The watchword of the day was ’slow’.  We had worked so hard that we had caught up and overtaken and completed next week’s work too so today we had nothing except the daily stuff to do.  The answer to that?  Work slowly.

This was both a good and a bad thing for me.  Good as I was feeling sick pretty much all day (always an enjoyable part  of any depressed bouts I have) and bad because it gave me more time inside my own head.

Also, everyone’s ideas of ’slow’ are different.  Being asked to slow down sounds great but requires so much more discipline and concentration that actually doing it sucks.  I started to second guess every little action - was this slow enough?  Was it too slow?  Are people looking at you thinking you are just being lazy?

Not good for someone like me in the mood I am in.

Every other department in the open plan office was busy so we really stood out.  The new temp who started today was really bemused at the calls to take it easy when everyone else it running around like crazy to get everything done for the weekend and the launch of the new system next week.

It was also a ‘dress down’ day. Turns out this isn’t really a jeans and t-shirt dress down place… for the girls.  Of course I was wearing my favourite t-shirt, comfy jeans and Sketchers.  I didn’t so much stand out as looked ridiculous next to the girls whose idea of dressing down was to wear as little as possible or look as if they were going to a club straight after work.  Really not a good self esteem day.  But at least my feet weren’t being ripped up by heels.

At least it is the weekend. Scout event tomorrow. And then Sunday is mine.  Who knows?  I may get round to reading the rest of your marvellous blogs.

1. Most of the people there are temps
2. They have no onsite I.T. and they really really need it
3. The printing room is sauna hot
4. They have two kitchens, but the good coffee is in the one outside our office
5. There is a gym and tennis centre 2 minutes away
6. It is a geek friendly office with one of the managers offering to look after a colleague’s Tamagotchi
7. The water from the cooler is cold
8. When one person is in a rush everyone pitches in… and doesn’t complain!
9. They have new software launching on Monday and no one feels prepared
10. They don’t seem to mind that half my brain is asleep most of the day!

This is a short post again as typing this post has totally knackered me out.  I’ll get it all sorted eventually… probably…

Very tired

Gone to sleep.

Will reply and post properly and all that when I wake.

Today was not a total disaster but I did learn I am not ready to go back to work yet.

Still, am going back tomorrow.

So my wireless has crashed in a minute meaning I will have to get up and go downstairs to connect by WIRE into the modem - sheesh!  The hardship.  This is of course assuming that the internet has not died in some massive cosmic joke.

Upload post and then I was logging off anyway.  I have so much Scout work to do before the committee meeting tomorrow.  I will not let the website nonsense drag on another month.  I will not and can not.  Posters, flyers, letters and certificates.
And I can’t find my list of passwords!  Yes, I wrote them down.  On a bit of paper no less.

Sigh.  Anyone else fancy taking over my life tomorrow?  Seriously, then I get some shut eye.  I was awake all day today - all day!  How the hell did I used to do this?  That’s right - coffee.

Oh damn it, now I’m just too tired to bother.  I have bits of time tomorrow so sleep now and awake all… whatsitcalled? Awake and refreshed and ready to type like a mad fool.

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I just know I’m going to be unable to get to sleep now!

There was a tiny moment this morning when I thought about not going to work today.  It was the moment that I woke up and felt like I had been punched in the stomach by a large man.  A very large man.  With one of those scary metal knuckle duster affairs.  The ones that usually have something like HATE or I Love My Mum written on them.

But having neither ETAH or muM yM evoL I branded onto my stomach I assumed there was something else going on.  But also realising that I was standing and not in any way falling over thought that I should do that left right left right thing and continue onwards.

I just made the bus so had no time to stand at the stop, contemplate my life and come up with reason why I shouldn’t go in.  Which was great.  And by the time I was in Preston I was feeling… well, rubbish, obviously but onwards…

I saw someone I used to be friends with and she looked terrible.  I mean, I was sweating, hair akimbo, huffing and puffing like a big bad wolf, all the bits (that shouldn’t be) wobbling about but she looked terrible.  Trying to be evil but just coming off as manic grin, she always used to be dressed impeccably - she’s one of those who puts a lot of value in her appearance - but today she looked as if she had got dressed backwards in the dark.  It made me sad for her.

But I was thinking about myself and getting through the day.  Work itself was… weird.  There’s been some weird office politics going on recently but it has really increased over the last few days.  It was one of those were I knew it was going on and I knew what was going on but I had to pretend it wasn’t going on as I hadn’t been there when it was… going… on… Hmmm.

But I survived and ended the day in Starbucks.

Although there were one or two moments when I was almost crying for someone to say the magic words, “Go home”.

Okay, so before the main meat of my incredibly interesting post, I need your help in identifying this

It is a promotional thing-a-mi we got at work today, it’s made out of lightweight plastic and, well, we are confused. Usually we get rulers or blocks of paper or those little fluffy bugs but no… Today, along with our stationery order we got this…

Do any of you have a clue what it is? Or does anyone have any suggestions what we can use it for?

Answers on the back of a postcard to the usual address.

Anywho. I went to work today and it was lovely. No listen there is no hint of a drop of sarcasm it really was… lovely.

I felt useful today and like I contribute something to the world. Yes, I was on my arse for most of the day but it was a happy knackered. I was so happy knackered I went to the committee meeting I wasn’t planning on attending. We sat outside as the sun went down and hashed over the same old things but I didn’t lose my mind or my cool. I was the freakin’ Zen Master to steal a phrase from somewhere or another.

But the happy knackereds are fading away leaving just the knackered and I have plans, big plans to write something… something… tomorrow.

Loving you with the blue sky still overhead!

This morning I was praying for a sign for what kind of day I was going to have. If the one I got on he bus was the real signifier I should have turned on my heel and hidden under my duvet.

The bus that I get every morning is a little kinda ‘half’ bus - a shuttle, I suppose. It is almost full every day - the kind of full where strangers sit next to the thin people because they can chose to (means my bag has a seat most days!). Today it was an everybody move their bags day. It’s usually the same people on there - all heading for a day of work or college/uni. We all know that the girl with too much make up will get off at the marina and the guy with black curly hair will get off at the stop before the train station… and that two elderly ladies in macs and those plastic rainhats will get on for a one stop trip just after the Park and Ride. We all know this so most morning if anyone is sitting in the ‘Preferred seating (for elderly or disabled)’ they will move as the bus pulls up to that stop.

Today the person sitting in that seat had bags and wasn’t a regular - she didn’t move her bag when the bus fllled up (I move mine, put it on my lap and look as uncomfortable as I possibly can, balance my book on top of it, and try to look ‘wide’ (not hard!) but I make the effort). Even if she had moved her bag, she would have had to move too - she wasn’t so much sitting as sprawled. The ladies got on and after seeing that she wasn’t going to move a young mum with a toddler stood up and let them sit in her seat. I moved my bag for the toddler… Rudeness and kids - see? Turn around Bec, go home.

But today wasn’t that bad.

Although work was quite hard (I was on my own as sickness and bad timing got in the way) it was extremely enjoyable. I spent most of my time putting out little fires and think I did everything right. I think it’s all starting to make sense and I am understanding the people and the work. Dangerous times.

Anyway, I have a weekend of fullness coming up - sorting out a wireless network, site sortage, possible electrician to Scout Hut visit and going to the cinema to see Charlie Wilson’s War. And dying my hair. And I’m cooking dinner for the whole family… Oh, and sleep at some point. Probably.

I was going to Manchester but have decided that any trip there will have to include a stop off at, cough, The Apple Store… so am hording cash for that trip because Momma needs some memory and some software! And I just may need to buy another Remote because I, once again, seem to have lost it. So the new one will be my fourth. That’s right. Fourth. In 10 months.

I was going to use it to be all kinds of impressive at Monday’s committee meeting but I’m not entirely sure I can be bothered now. Losing enthusiasm, and feeling ridiculously under-appreciated. I’ll get over it. Eventually.

Am going to bed now, early to bed, early to rise… too much to do - who am I kidding - it’ll be lunch before I drag my arse out of bed!

Today is one of those potentially annoying posts. But, my barely thought out blog, my rules.

My school year is all turning the big 3 oh, but we’re still kids right? I mean grown up stuff doesn’t really exist or happen for us yet right? But… well, one of the sweetest guys in the world has just become a Daddy, and has photos on his Facebook profile which made me all tear-y and my Mum drift into a awwww… realm. Huge congratulations Marc!

And my ol’ friend from 100 thousand years ago gets married in the new year, and I can think of very few who deserve the good times ahead as much as she. Massive congratulations Emy and Jon!

People’s lives moving forwards. It used to send me into a self obsessed funk but now I am just happy for them - does this mean I am growing up too? Oh no…

Speaking of growing up…

Today I was left on my own at work today for a few hours. I mean, other people were in the building but on other floors squirreled away in their own offices. I was flyin’ solo, Cap’n! And it felt good - I felt like there was trust and responsibilities and all that good stuff… And I just got on with it. There was one sticky moment but I handled it with my usual amount of grace and, well, the building didn’t burn down, there was no riots, and all the filing is still alphabetical… Can I call it? Yes, I’m going to…. It was a success!

In other news, I am really worried about my cat. She injured her tail a while ago, losing feeling in the end of it. The vet said it was fine - just to watch an make sure she didn’t trap it in anything. Well, something must have happened… about an hour ago it fell off… leaving about 5mm of bone exposed… Mum is being all calm about it while I am all for calling the emergency vet. She has had a number of bad falls recently. We kind of laugh about it, as she will just fall off arms of chairs and the sofa… anything she is sleeping or sitting on, and it is funny to see… but her balance is going fast and her confidence, which used to show in her leaps and bounds, is disappearing in a cloud of hesitancy.

I was, until about five minutes ago, hopping all over the internet looking for answers but am only succeeding in scaring myself stupid. Hopefully, an appointment will be available tomorrow and hopefully Mum will react appropriately. God, I hope I am just freaking out over nothing!

One more day and then holiday and time to catch up on blog reading… and sleeping!

So for those who didn’t see the Twitter = I have finally got me a job.  Office admin and a little reception work with work I cannot get obsessed about and end up giving up my life to make a macro work… 9-5 heaven (oh yeah baby) and contracted for 4 months so there just isn’t enough time to get bored and screw it all up.

The wonderful fabulous consultants at Reed, Preston pulled this one out of the hat and it was proclaimed good

For those who haven’t seen me/heard from me in a while - I apologise - I’ve had decisions to make.  And they have been made and committed o.

Would right moe but am falling asleep so… job JOB job JOB job JIB!

Across the road from the office is a small piece of land  covered in trees and picnic tables.  I wish I was working in the area during summeR… SIgh… S