Why do they call them side effects? This makes them sound like they just stay out of the way, slightly to the left of you, ignorable.
What brain dead moron though that ’side effects’ was a good name for the unholy crap the pills I am taking are putting me through?
So, as I get over the dizzy, tiredness thing from the Ramipril (High Blood Pressure meds) I have to start taking the Provera (magic pill that is supposed to kick start my menstrual cycle again (after 10 years)). Well, today I have had more dizziness and a weird feeling in my fingers (like they didn’t belong to me), hellish cramps, headache, extreme irritability, low worthless feeling, tiredness all day but am now (NOW!) wide awake, feeling sick and starving at the same time and total inability to concentrate on anything.
It’s been so long since I’ve done ‘the cycle’ that I can’t remember if any or all of this is normal. maybe I’m freaking out over nothing? Oh I hope so.
I was talking about the diagnosis with someone at work and I joked about having a hysterectomy - ‘just whip it all out and have done with it’ and she looked at me like I had just suggested chopping my head off.
Work Woman: ‘But you can’t do that
Me: Why?
WW: You wouldn’t be able to have a child!
Me: That’s fine, I don’t want one.
WW: That’s silly, every woman wants a child.
Me: (after long pause thinking about the possibility) Nope, couldn’t have one - too selfish and far too scared.
WW: Of what?
Me: Failure - bringing a child up in this world takes more responsibility and guts than I will ever have. I’m just not that brave.
That seemed to stop her in her tracks, probably as she couldn’t disagree. The thing is over the last few years I have accepted that I may never have a child and have realised that I am fine with it. She asked if I get broody? Of course I do. I have moments of wanting nothing more than to feel that unconditional surrender but then it goes back into the never-never jar, along with my lingerie modelling career.
I’d make one hell of an aunt though
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