I’m not ‘boring’. I’m English.
work
Calm Down
Feb 23rd
So the last week has been insane.
I think we can universally agree that getting engaged and getting a new job in the space of two days is enough to make anyone go a little insane.
It was so nice to se the different reactions to the news of the engagement – all were very positive, although from people who know me there was quite a lot of ‘What? Bec? Engaged? Is the world ending?’ and ‘Giggling and happy and being girly? That’s not Bec! When is the real Bec coming back?’
The real Bec is here… she is just happy.
I got so (happy) stressed that my blood pressure went up and my finger swelled. We thought I was having a reaction to the ring, but, no, it seems to be a stress thing.
So, I am calming down.
Don’t get me wrong. I am still ridiculously excited and have gone a bit mad with getting hold of wedding brochures for every local hotel (I think I have chosen my reception venue) and have discussed colour schemes (I have pretty much decided that) and the pros and cons of getting married in church and… oh a thousand and one things. We have come up with a mad and wonderful idea for our invitations and, therefore, the rest of the stationery. I am going to pick up some craft materials at the weekend and try it out to see how great it looks…
The thing is the we have decided to hold off on an immediate wedding to give us enough time to save up the money we need to do it properly. We want to give each other the time to give each other the kind of day we may never have hoped to be a part of. There is certainly a part of me which is considering grabbing Neil and running for Gretna Green but then I stop and calm down. I hope that I am right in thinking that this is forever, but I am not naive enough to believe that time and all the laws of nature will leave us alone.
I am just enjoying every day that we have.
The job though. Oh… I can see some late nights just trying to understand the complexities of the nightmare that I have subjected myself to. It will all be fine, and what is life without a few challenges!
Beckaday
Feb 10th
From the very start of our relationship, Neil proclaimed Wednesday to be ‘BeckaDay’.
This is the one day of the week that we will spend together whether it be going to the cinema, having dinner, or just cuddling on the sofa watching Gilmore Girls it is the one day we… well, put it like this, there has to be quite the major emergency to stop ‘our time’.
Today, though, we were going to have a cleaning day. The last few weeks has meant that we have been a little ‘lapse’ with the whole housekeeping thing. We currently live in a four room flat – a kitchen that has no storage to speak of, a bathroom that is never warm, a bedroom that needs more storage and places to put girl things and a living/dining room that is very very full of furniture…but still needs more storage.
One of the things that I never realised about moving into a man’s flat was that… a man has lived there… for a while.
Stupid? Me? Yes.
None of the furniture matches, and when I moved in, he had 2 armchairs but no sofa. There is a red wall in the living room, and the bedroom is painted blue. The rest of the flat is in man colours
Now, there is a table, and the joyous sofa, clothes are hung up and the bathroom has girly things in it. Neil is awesome when it comes to girly things… He has no problem with going to the shop for Tampax and completely understands the need for chocolate and chick flicks (yes, I even have him watching Glee - his favourite character is Sue)… and he is coming round to the idea of fresh fruit. He now steals my Strawberry Activia Yoghurt.
We were having a cleaning day but…
The best laid plans…
I got some awesome news about work and then we went on a mammoth conversation about the news and how things might change (all in a good way) and… we got lost in the land of what if. So I proclaimed a moratorium on the topic until the news becomes news.
Today was a very good day.
It was the kind of day where you define a word that you made up to entertain the dog.
Kasplootle (verb): to correct somebody else’s grammar for no other reason than for humorous purposes.
The Search Goes On
Oct 10th
Why is there never a glass of something around when you want one? Why does no one want to employ me? Is my CV really that rubbish? Why is Royal Mail striking again?! Why hasn’t my suitcase full of money arrived?! ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH! I am beginning to lose hope. I don’t know what on earth to do anymore. There just doesn’t seem to be any point.
Yep, so it’s Wednesday, middle of the week and I am feeling a little bit… down. NO, that’s the wrong sentiment. Not down as in climbing under the duvet and staying there for a week. I feel… personally useless. Yep, that’s the one. I have been sending out press releases for the Scouts which makes me feel a little bit useful but then I turn to my stuff and see that it’s all a bit rubbish really.
I’ve got to shake myself out of this. It’s either that or the cardboard box/homeless Mac owner scenario.
New city? Maybe it really is time for a new city. I mean Preston is lovely… sometimes… but it really enjoys smacking me around the head and I am not into the pain so much. So… yes, I have commitments around here but what can I do? Seriously.
Oh, I know I’ve written this (or a variation of this) over and over again but nothing really seems to change. I know there are no magic answers and a fairy godmother isn’t going to appear out of thin air but once, just once, I would like something to go my way. Just once.
I did something yesterday that I haven’t done in a long time. I went and sat in a church and prayed. Don’t know why. I was walking past and the door was open and my feet just led me inside. Mind you, I suppose this was a better idea than going to a bar and spending lots of cash I don’t have.
So, instead of plugging in my postcode into my favourite jobhunt website I left location blank and hunted through the hundred’s of things I might be qualified for and have blanket sent out my CV in the hope that someone somewhere will go, huh.
I have even sent some abroad in the hope that someone somewhere will go, huh, in (please God) English with an accent.
In the meantime if anyone anywhere knows any company who is looking to employ… etc etc etc.
Jeez, is it really supposed to be this hard?
[tags] work, job search, [/tags]
Really Beginning To Grate
Oct 2nd
This is hard. Trying to write a post when I’m not in the habit. I have been writing in my diary again for the first time in ages just to have an outlet for the drivel in my head. I suppose I could just post to the local version of Camel but it doesn’t feel right. I guess I really do write for an audience. But here goes.
Okay, so. I am in a position of needing a job quite desperately. I went and sat in a recruitment office for what felt like 1000 years while they reeled off jobs that I am either a) not qualified to do; b) am over-qualified for (their words); c) would be bored doing (do I look like I care about being bored?) or d) can’t do because I don’t drive.
I really need to get back on that particular saddle again. Desperately.
Desperate, as you may be able to tell is the word du jour (is that right, who can tell?).
So, the housemates left. Presumably they went back to South Africa but who can tell? They left telling me they were going on holiday to the Canary Islands for a week. That was nearly a month ago. I had an inkling that something was goign on but genuinely thought that… ARRRRGGHHHH… y’know? Mind you it’s better that they are back in S.A. and not, where my mind went, dead on a beach somewhere. So, tha plus no job plus life means I am leaving my lovely house 
and finding something new. Again.
But before all that a mission has become cleaning the house and not living like a student for 10 minutes. I put books and nonsense on shelf. And then took a photo. A hard days work.
So, world, oyster etc. Maybe I should sign myself up to one of those mail order bride websites and find me a rich American… except I’m not Russian/Eastern European/sexy in anyway. But I can take photos (ish), write (ish) and I do a mean Excel spreadsheet.
It has been pointed out to me that I came off as a little nuts in that post a few months ago. Again. drunk. Red wine I should stay away from oh yes. Cough.
So TV is in no way as exciting as it is in the States where all the shows I love are showing season +1 to whatever was just on here but as least Ugly Betty starts on Friday and Robin Hood season 2 is on Saturday and Californication (little nostalgic sigh for David Duchovny) starts on the 11th… and Studio 60 is still delighting me every single week. there probably are other things I should be enjoying but sleep and writing, yes WRITING have become quite big parts of my day. I am writing what I know which means the end result will be interesting to me and a small circle of people who thought they knew me. Ish. It was going to be a straight telling of my humdrumness but I have dragged two or three fictional things out of the cupboard and am schmooshing them all together to make a worldwide bestselling tour de force that will be finished early 2008…ish. Yes, I am definitely going to finish this particular project. Oh yes.
I can’t believe I have missed Talk Like A Pirate Day and all that September brings. The internet really has become like a second home for me and not being able to get on is like having the door to my favourite room blocked up, or being told you can never eat cheese on toast again.
I am also having trouble believing that it’s October. then I step outside into the biting cold that has descended, fall over the 5 million conkers lying on the pavement and I raise my hands and proclaim, “I believe, Hallelujah!” or something similar.
Scout things are going well. We had our re-opening and made money (even though it was not a fundraising event). Even when we don’t try we can do it. Since then we haven’t really had a ‘thing’ to work for so focus is being lost. I, of course, have no life so was starting to obsess a little about it. But after nearly walking out on it for good last month calm has prevailed and I have realised that there are some people you are never going to change, there are some people who are never going to get excited about things again, there are some people who have lives that have more than one thing in them. Crazy.
Okay. I am going to go back to Bloglines and try to visit everyone. If I don’t get to you it doesn’t mean I don’t love you; because I do, I truly do; it’s just alphabetical. I will on my next visit to a hotspot. I swear.
Until next time.
[tags]job hunting, house hunting, housemate hunting, TV, Scouts,[/tags]
Sucky
Apr 8th
I really shouldn’t have got up this morning… well, yesterday, well, any point this week.
I spent a stupid amount of time at work yesterday, got home late (for a good reason), saw and spoke to friend and ahd a night of reminising about 80s cartoons (Slocakian neighbout showed us some mad Russian cartoons on YouTube).
That all broke up about 11-ish and then I started wok.
I woke up at about 4:30am with little squares on my cheek where the Mac had tried to become part of me. I dragged myself off to bed for a few hours, woke up late (forgot to set alarm) and then hurried to work.
Today, the 5th of April is the day that account departments up and down the land both dread and look forward to with a masochistic delight. It is the end of the financial year and at our place that usually means a frantic sorting out of invoices and wanging them all into the database. Well… not this year. Everyone looked calm, and there was only a frantic drinking of caffienated products to indicate that anything was going on.
My job today was two-fold – look after my own department and make sure all the data was correct in the other two departments so that when I ran the end of month reports tomorrow there would be no problems. No problems at all.
One was an easy check through – a few things to change and all was done. The other. Oh good lord. It’s such a mess. The person that controls it has either decided to leave and doesn’t care about her job anymore or really really doesn’t know what she is doing. But, no, that can’t be true. She would have asked… right?
The data that is missing needs to be put in before the reports can be run. So tomorrow, instead of being a couple of hours, is now a full day with a possible definite of having to go in on Saturday too!
I don’t wanna, I wanna sleep! Waaaaaaaaahhhhh!
But the unselfish part of my brain is digging in and pushing me towards the door.
I finished work tonight at 7:30 and have taken an hour or so off to pay attention to my blog (hello, I’ve missed you, I’m sorry for the neglect, I promise you’ll have my full attention next week… late next week), and buy Easter eggs for the family. And that’s when the next thing happened. I forgot my PIN number for my card. I stood at the cashpoint and remembered it had a 4 in it. I could remember my old one… but not this one and I’ve had it for about a year! And then I locked my card so now, even if the number comes back to me, I cannot withdraw any cash. Bum.
And with the bank holidays it will take FOREVER to get it reset. FOREVER!!!!!!
But the good thing… I’ve found a house and will be moving in two weeks! The house (that’s right with an upstairs and a downstairs) is perfect, 3 bedrooms huuuuuge bathroom, fabulous kitchen and a landlord (well, lady) that I know and trust implicitly. All is great. I’m a little worried about rattling round the place on my own but it’ll be fine. Fine.
Now, back to work (avoidance)!
Update: I was in fact so tired I didn’t realise I hadb’t actually posted this until now… And, yes I am stll working so will post later… possibly… 
[tags]work, more work, moving, forgetting things, sleep on Mac[/tags]
All Work and No Play…
Apr 3rd
…is what I am doing this week.
You know what you have that feeling like you are going to explode? All day I couldn’t relax, I felt like my skin was too tight and was totally up for either a) screaming at someone; b) dancing like a lunatic; c) walking out. Luckily, I did none of them. The thing that was irritating me? Ex-hell. As usual.
My macro, that I have been writing for the last 2 weeks, kept failing on things that it shouldn’t have failed on. I updated my Office package and still it failed. I went on forums and tip pages and group pages and, yes, even the Microsoft pages and everything advised me I was doing the right thing but still it crashed. Grrrrrr…
And now I have one more day to finish it (as on Thursday I have to present the damn thing and start on the next one. I am giving up one of my bank holidays to get the damn thing done. That;s how much I like my bloody job. News came through about pay rises this week and I am very happy. Happy enough to be able to afford to move at the end of the month. Hurrah!
So, yes I am sick of this:
I hate this keyboard. It’s too attached to the damn PC (which I can’t believe people use) whihc doesn’t work even though my code is right! Grumble, whinge.
But the only thing that was keeping my going today, other than the fact that my officemate was having just as bad a day, was this:
Yes, the thought of my blog and getting one step closer to making it better. One. Step. Closer.
Of course, that one step is a big one now I have discovered that the blue and sand colours (new ones not like these ones) that I chose really don’t go and made me eyes do weird things after a bit. I think lunchtime tomorrow will be spent mixing colours, until I am satisfied…. SATISFIED? DO YOU HEAR ME? EVEN IF IT TAKES HOURS!!!!
But there again, if I take a really long lunch I’ll just have to stay at work later to finish stuff and I like coming home in the light.
See what happens tomorrow…
[tags]work, excel is a big pos,[/tags]
Last Week of the Year
Apr 2nd
There are four whole days left before the new year starts. And I have two major major projects to complete before then (doesn’t help that Friday is actually a Bank Holiday… does mean it will be quiet though!) and I am basically running on empty.
Everytime I sit down to start blogging I either remeber how to create a chart in VB or I climb under my desk and rock back and forth with teh stress of getting it all finished in time. Fun. I mean I know I will get it finished in time; I am no stranger to no sleep and working all the hours God gives me but… what can I do when Excel keeps crashing. RunTime Error this Mother Fugger!
I logged a polite version of a call to our IT department and the sweet sweet darlin’ up at IT gave me admin rights for the day to sort out what I needed. Oh, the temptation to install iTunes was large but I just have my Mac sitting on the corner of my desk singing it’s little heart out!
Speaking of musc (yes I know it’s the worst segue in some time but live with it, I’m tired), as a work avoidance tactic I filled in this meme also done by Snackie and Dave.
First meme in months!
Of all the bands & artists in your collection, of which one do you own the most albums?
Alanis Morissette. Everything she’s ever done. I love it, her music is my comfort blanket. If I’m down, she helps me wallow; if I’m up then she makes me want to laugh and giggle and be alive.
What was the last song you listened to?
A Hundred Ways To Be A Good Girl by Skunk Anansie.
What’s in your CD player right now?
The Very Best of Nina Simone. I’ve just put it on my iTunes and… now it’s back in it’s case.
What are your favorite instruments?
Cello.
Who’s your favorite local artist/band?
I know Preston has bands and I have seen some of them but I’ll be buggered if I can remember any of their names.
What was the last show you attended?
Oh my God… it was a while ago…. Jamie Cullum, Preston, 2004. I have plans to see bands this year…
What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to?
The Chemical Brothers at Glastonbury 2000. Not really a show but… intense? Jeez Louis!
What’s the worst band you’ve ever seen in concert?
Republica who opened for Bryan Adams. They were hostile towards the crowd who really didn’t want to scream, but mostly went for a beer.
What band do you love musically but hate the members of?
U2 – Bono annoys me… have no idea why.
What is the most musically involved you have ever been?
In school choirs since the age of 4, church choir for 13 years, high school musicals, Blackppol and Fylde Light Opera Company, random concerts here and there and a lot of drunk karaoke.
What show are you looking forward to?
The Police… they will announce more daes – they have to!
What is your favorite band shirt?
The only music t-shirt I own is a Bryan Adams one which is a painting t-shirt.
What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
Alanis Morissette – she just seems fun. Seriously.
What musician would you like to be in love with you for a day?
Danny McNamara (of Embrace), because, (to steal Dave’s word – damn.
What was your last musical “phase” before you wised up?
Grunge of the Seattle kind – then I realised I just looked a tit in the ripped jeans and old cardigans
Sabbath or solo Ozzy?
Ozzy.
Did you know that filling out this meme makes you a music geek?
Just one more string to my geek bow.
What was the greatest decade for music?
The 80′s.
What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
Score-wise Gladiator by Hans Zimmer and Lisa Gerrard, Soundtrack – High Fidelity.
Who is your favorite artist who is much better live than on a recording? Jamie Cullum
Do you have a hidden desire to be a popular musician? Doesn’t everybody?
Not a popular one – a back street singer would be good enough for me.
Have you ever used drugs to enhance the music experience?
Nope, I like to hear me music clearly. Although singing along while drunk always makes you sound better! 
What was the last song you heard that gave you a chill?
Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung.
Where would you be without music?
In a loony bin, music has saved me many times.
[tags]music meme, work insanity, bloody Excel, [/tags]
Wanted: A Place To Lay My Head
Feb 15th
Life is very weird at the moment. Am juggling work where I am the ‘knowledgable one on Excel’, the purchase ledger clerk of (sometimes) multiple departments and, you know, I.T. fixer… even though I’m not the office I.T. ‘champion’. And I can’t even go home and watch a little tv to relax as we got rid of the cable after they never got round to fixing the issues that caused this regular(ish) blog to become the wasteland it was (see that, that’s determination to write often, most days anyway… probably not weekends for that is when I sleep); and we never had a standard aerial in the room where the TV is.
I haven’t watched any live TV for about… erm… a month, and it was sporadic before that. But fixing that soon hopefully in one of two ways… Buy a Freeview box or move.
Yes, I am looking for somewhere new to live. Dear housemate is doing the grown up thing and is looking for somewhere to buy. I think it’s time to live on my own again.
So… Wanted: Small flat with one bedroom, nice kitchen, bathroom with shower and a not overly large room where I can watch TV with people (large enough for say 3 or 4 to sit comfortably), at least part furnished with access to a tiny patch of yard/garden when I can sit and gaze at the sunshine (should we have any this summer). All for under £400 ($780ish) per month. Is that too much to ask for? Apparently.
Most half decent one bedroom flats seem to be at least a third more than that which (including council tax and bills would eat all of my wages, so I would be unable to afford to actually live. It would be a work and sleep situation – yes, not much different from now but you’ve got to aspire to have a life, right?!. I kinda want to move closer to work so that I can get to work on time as opposed to what I am doing at the moment which is get here two hours early or an hour late, but saying that there is a flat to rent about thirty seconds from where I live now… if I could only find some information about the flat!
I spoke to one agent about what I was looking for and she actually said “Nevermind” when I told her that I, a single woman was looking for a flat by myself. “Are you sure you don’t want to share – it can get awfully lonely.”
Jeez – that’s just what you want to hear. Thanks very much. I’ll put a monitor in so if I stop moving they can call the coroner to take away my body as I will clearly close the door and never see anyone again. Ta.
Anyway, the property paper is out tomorrow and that will bound to have my dream place in it (well, somewhere with broadband access is about all I can hope for! So, now I go to sleep so I can come back to work tomorrow. Nice.
[tags]a place to live[/tags]
Code
Oct 27th
So I finally feel like I am entitled to the badge of ‘Geek’ now. No more messing about - I coded a whole range of automated things in Visual Basic and they bloody worked. AND I didn’t just steal the code either… (I know this isn’t a huge thing but it’s big for me – voyage of discovery and all that)
Am feeling ever so slightly smug right now.
It will pass.
I got so much done today as there was basically no one in the office. In ‘a small corridor with 6 individual offices’ vs ‘the rest of the place with 21 potential people in it’ we (in the small corridor) could have taken them allllllll day.
I cleared my stuff from the office at the end of the day, not wanting too but, eh, what can you do – back to the chaos of the other end on Monday… sigh…
It was nice having my own office for a bit.
It’s now the end of what feels liek the longest week ever so I’m off to bed, to sleep the sleep of the very tired.
[tags] visual basic, I coded, geek, it’s Friday – of course no one’s in.[/tags]
What A Difference A Day Makes
Oct 25th
Weather wise, obviously. Life as a whole is still bloody marvellous.
I was in an office all on my ownsome today and it was lovely. I got loads of work done and didn’t have anyone looking at me strangely when I muttered to myself… Although there was a horrendously embarrassing moment when I was dancing round the office (celebratory dance of joy) after getting a script to work and I heard someone behind me.
But all is fun!
I think my mobile phone is broken. After being yelled at by one of my friends for not answering his text, it kept ‘erroring’ all day. I know I can sill make and receive calls (I am on a call centre’s list and get at least 20 calls a day from them) Thank God I’ve got insurance!
The weather really turned today.. mostly turned out carpark into a small lake but it did enable me to get some (what I think are) really cool pictures of blurry cars. All of these were taken at the same time as yesterday’s glorious sun pictures. The weather was that bad.
I looked like a drowned rat by the time I got home. My shoes are totally squelchy. I’m probably going to have to wear my heels tomorrow and that’s gonna hurt.
I’m going to burn me a CD of joy for work tomorrow (own office can play music (yeah baby!)) and then go to bed still thinking of Visual Basic. Oh good lord, I need to get out (I would say ‘more’ but that implies I go out at all).
[tags]bad weather, rain, dreaming of VB is bad right?, bad phone[/tags]
