May 11
May 02
When the party in power loses 331 seats and comes the third place in local elections, a person who has hated being under that parties rule for 11 years, watching the education system in this country be destroyed and everybody’s life getting harder… that person might open a bottle of wine and have a little drink.
But when that person also discovers that the Conservative candidate for the London Mayoral election, Boris Johnson , is also on his way to winning (they haven’t announced at the time of writing but, fingers crossed) one begins to dance a little.
Yes, he says things he shouldn’t but sometimes he talks a lot of sense.
On trains - 2002:
"I forgot that to rely on a train, in Blair’s Britain, is to engage in a crapshoot with the devil.";
On obesity - 2004
"There is absolutely no one, apart from yourself, who can prevent you, in the middle of the night, from sneaking down to tidy up the edges of that hunk of cheese at the back of the fridge."
and anyone who says they feel
"Tremendous, little short of superb. On cracking form."
and
"My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters."
after being sacked gets my vote.
Update: They just announced - he bloody won !
Come on Gordon - announce the General Election! End our suffering and yours! Don’t make me make the chicken noises again!
Apr 11
Tomorrow a new shop opens in Kirkham .
It’s about the size of a garage and expects to have about 2-5,000 customers in one week.
Tomorrow at 11am (not early risers then) the new Kirkham & Wesham FC Shop opens…
…for one purpose and one alone. To sell tickets for the FA Vase Final on May 11th, 2008 at Wembley (a day on which I can GUARANTEE my post will be late, or a meme) against the ‘lucky’ Lowestoft Town
Feelings are running high and people are planning to queue form quite early. All the other shops are worried/ excited about crowds… If it’s not raining I may pop down with the camera to see what it’s like.
Seriously the most exciting thing to happen in Kirkham since… forever.
Mar 27
Today I have two** very different things to blather about. Both are contributing to the headache that I’m trying to cure with Anadin.
My little brother works in garden centre hell (a hell that has recently been bought by a big ‘blue’ supermarket chain - say no more). I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. Quick search… Yep, thought so.
He has tried over and over again to do the job he was hired to do which is maintain and sell plants.. and do whatever is required to get that job done. He will move stoneware all day, power wash the damn centre from bottom to top, move trolleys, direct traffic in the carpark - whatever it takes. I mean, everyone has to do the crap jobs, right? But recently all of the jobs that mean my brother to come home so tired he can barely stand up or have him so angry he can barely think straight.
After one task that was assigned to him and another sales assistant, that as far as I know should never have been assigned to them (clearing a blocked drain) my brother put in a complaint about his manager - turns out this was the third complaint that had been put in about him.
My brother has Dyslexia and Dyspraxia - which means that he learns things slower than most people, but because of the person he is, he will keep at it until he gets it right. Dyspraxia is not counted as a disability under the letter of the law. He completed two years of college winning Student of the Year. You don’t do that if you don’t know your stuff. He is very successful at his Scout Leader duties an his organisational skills are first rate. It just takes him a bit to get going, and his confidence in his abilities is quite low.
Not surprising considering who he has to work with.
His idiot manager (His soon to be, if I had my way, dead ex-manager*… ) keeps treating my brother like crap. He has talked about him to other staff members in a derogatory fashion and during a meeting which my brother called to try and sort things out said “it seems like your Dyspraxia has come back”. This at the very least shows that he need re-educating (preferably with a crowbar) and also shows a total disregard for my brother’s feelings. Oh yes, very managerial. I can only assume manager boy either has no balls and is taking it out on any male in the area in a jealous rage; or he is simply a vindictive little fuckwit. If it’s the second option I will gladly help him achieve the first option too.
Adam asked to speak to the manager about moving departments with the centre, something other people have done in the recent past (also to get away from the ’soon to be knobless twathead’) or starting a couple of hours earlier so he has to spend less time with him. Both options were denied to him. The only option that as given to him was halving his hours. HALVING HIS HOURS.
Wankers.
A customer recently called the same manager a ‘weasel’ to his face. Customers will come in and ask for Adam to help them with their queries, and if he is not there, will leave and return on a day that he is.
Who would you get rid of first?
Adam has had to talk me down from the ledge tonight. I am all for taking the day off work tomorrow and beating the ever living shite out of the management down there. Instead I have spent the last two days putting a new CV together for my brother and hunting out as many jobs as I could for him.
I’ve been in the position where the thought of going to work makes your world a dark place… I don’t want my brother to have to live there any more.
I am normally a fairly pleasant, fairly easy going, friendly individual but you hurt my brother and I will make sure you regret it.
I’ll be better soon.
*For legal reasons I would like to stipulate that I have no actual intention of causing the manager’s death, or any physical harm, but only wish it in a ‘when the revolution comes’ way. If I can cause him to be fired and be miserable every day of his life though that’ll be fine.
** Update: the other thing was about a news story I’d seen about a village in South Africa where the children have to swim cross a crocodile infected river to get to school, as someone stole the community boat. SOuth Africa are hosting the Football World Cup in 2 years. I’m saying nothing else.
Mar 20
Just a short post.
Read this. It made me laugh.
Well, anything with the phrase;
They want people to have what they call “well-maintained” whips.
in it is sure to raise a smile.
Talk about Health & Safety gone mad.
And now a meme stolen from Karl and Hilly
Here’s how it works:
1. Go to www.photobucket.com
2. Type in your answer to the question in the “search” box
3. Use only the first page
4. Insert the picture into your Blog
1.) What is your relationship status?
2.) What is your current mood?
3.) Who is your favorite band/artist?
4.) What is your favorite movie?
5.) What kind of pet do you have?
6.) Where do you live?
7.) Where do you work?
8.) What do you look like?
9.) What do you drive?
10.) What did you do last night?
11.) What is your favorite TV show?
12.) Describe yourself.
13.) What are you doing today?
14.) What is your name?
15.) What is your favorite candy?
Mar 17
I never never never thought I’d say this.
Never.
But a politician has made me feel better. Hopeful. Starting to believe in a better tomorrow. And I’m only on page 25 of his book.
Yes. His book. For I picked up The Audacity of Hope at the weekend. And today at lunch was the first chance I had to read it. Yes, I didn’t get very far but, to be honest, he had me at the end of the Prologue.
He has ideas. Ideas. And I think we can all admit we need a few ideas. I like the fact that he has admitted that he, or any politician for that matter, can’t solve all the world’s problems… but ideas. Yes.
And before you say anything. I know I live in the UK and I have no voice when it comes to choosing the next President but please, Americans, please remember that you are not just choosing your leader, you are choosing the person who decides the direction of our economy and foreign policy too.
Our current leader’s balls are kept in separate jars on the desks of two people - his wife’s and George Bush’s. (I wonder if Bush has let Tony have his back yet?) We will be stuck with Gordon ‘The Moron’ Brown until at least 2010 so that’s at least a year the next President will have to lead his around by his todger.
I can’t wait for 2010 when David Cameron kicks your sorry arse, Brown. There, I’ve shown my roots. Well, how could I not when the Conservative logo is this - 
Right, was going to finish this up with a meme but the book is calling me back. Me? Sleep? Not likely!
Mar 12
My good news for the day is about a man who has lost a lawsuit. He claimed he tripped and fell because of a grape stuck on his shoe. He says the grape must have come from the Marks & Spencer’s store he just came out of. He tore a tendon in his leg which stopped him getting any new clients because of the depression caused by the injury and “loss of confidence”. He wanted, by the way, £300K for this.
He must now pay M&S’s costs of £15K; and, if I had my way, be banned from all M&S’s so he can never again enjoy their delicious food.
Tosser.
And according to the BBCs Budget Calculator I am now going to be about £44 a year worse off. This is mostly because I don’t own a car. I feel for you motorists, I really do. A tip for those who live/work in London and don’t own a hybrid - Sainsbury’s cheap baked beans taste less sugary than Asda’s. 
Mar 10
80 mile an hour winds, buckets of rain, waves crashing up to the sky and bits of tree and houses trashing everything in site?
Everywhere but here. We got about an hour of rain and then a gorgeous sunset (you’ll have to take my word for it - I forgot I had my camera with me); it wasn’t even windy enough to turn my cheap Primark umbrella inside out. I suppose I should be grateful that I’m not going to wake up and discover a tree on my bed or something but… oooo, anything for a little excitement!
I had a day today. Work was all fine and fun as usual but this evening I just felt tense. I felt unwanted, unneeded, useless, crap and all those happy happy words. It was one of those evenings when I just wanted to throw my hands up in the air and scream ‘why do I bother?’ or something equally as melodramatic. It was the kind of day when I really really wished I hadn’t given up chocolate for Lent - I could have eaten my own weight in the stuff today! Oh, only two more weeks to go! Hurrah!
and then… mmmm, Cadbury’s Dairy Milk, Galaxy, Dime Bar, Mars Bar, and yes even you - Reeces Peanut Butter Cups - all of you shall come second to this
It’s a five stone (about 30kg) easter egg, made by L’Artisan du Chocolat, sold at Selfridges for £499 ($1002.49). And worth every bloody penny. Four people have already bought one. 168,540 calories in it. That’s just beautiful.
Mar 08
On a day when two football (yes, football) teams you may have heard of (Chelsea and Manchester United) were dumped out of the FA Cup (a competition you may have heard about) by two smaller teams (Barnsley and Portsmouth) and England lost against Scotland in more Six Nations Rugby action it doesn’t seem like a day when I would be smiling at sports news but there is a puffing of chests and a smile from ear to freakin’ ear right now because… big breath…
Kirkham & Wesham FC - my home town football club - won - 1-0. In a real competition. The FA Vase. Meaning, they are now in the (pride pride pride) Semi-Final. SEMI-FREAKIN’-FINAL!
Now, join me in raising a glass to them.
And now I return to doing the website which is causing me a ‘more than a little’ pain in my arse.
Feb 27
Yes, well Dan nicked the title I was going to use.
So, last night I had finished my emailing and all the other palaver I do on the internet and was just closing the Mac ready to settle down. The clock on the Mac had just ticked over to 1.00am… and then it hit. The things on the shelves jangled, a badly stacked pile of books fell over (they were very very badly stacked though) and my bed shook in a very disconcerting way… all for about 5 seconds
My thought process went like this:
Something has crashed nearly… Oh Christ, terrorist attack… Earthquake? Nah… Loosing my mind… possibly?
I peered out of my bedroom curtains and watched four or five lights go on for about 30 seconds and then go off again as, I imagine, the same process was worked through. I couldn’t see any massive fireballs so I assumed the crash/attack ideas were out; and, yes, seeing the other lights go on did make me think that maybe I wasn’t crazy, but I wasn’t ready to hang my hat on the earthquake just yet. i mean, I live in England for God’s sake. As Dan says when we have extreme weather, you could fit it in most of the world’s back pockets and use it as an appetizer to their extreme weather. When we have a crisis it is always an ‘English’ crisis - you know something where we can make a mountain out of the hill of a mole.
So, as the others were trying to get back to sleep I was clicking refresh on various news sites and googling like crazy trying to find out what was going on. But it was all apparently nothing. I thought about getting up and putting the news on but after a half hour of debate with myself decide I was too tired and went to sleep.
I know a 5.2 earthquake is nothing but it frightened the life out of me - God forbid I ever be involve in a powerful one - I’ll be the one sobbing in the corner.
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