I’m not ‘boring’. I’m English.
GBBMC08
Colouring
Jun 2nd
Oh today people. Today, I was almost all kinds of fantastic.
Oh yes I was. No seriously. Stop looking at me like that! I was!
Alright, I wasn’t. I had a moment of genius which I can’t talk about because I can’t talk about my job but just accept I am a living God and move on.
I have put my woolly coat on, got down on all fours and baa-ed loudly for all the world to hear. I have signed up at Zazzle and am in the process of designing some rather splendid t-shirts and other items. Of course in true ‘me’ fashion they are in no way ready yet, purely because I am blogging now and then finishing them later… But soon you will marvel at the mediocrity of my produce and buy some of Karl’s instead (see, whoring myself out to Dave yesterday and Karl today)
The logo on them is the tree – yes that one up there – but simplified and in various colours… like these.
I like them… and am needing to find new and improved ways of earning money to finance a way ‘up’. Of course, I expect a major chain to pick them up immediately and to see on the back of people like Paris Hilton and Kate Moss as soon as next week.
In other news I started watching The Net (the Sandra Bullock film, not the series) as a flicked onto after Chuck… and my mind, as it does, started to wander if my family disappeared and I got myself into a pickle like dear Miss Bullock, would anyone be willing to stick their neck out and say ‘yes, that’s Bec’? Not saying, would people be able to physically identify me because there are quite a few people who know this face but would anyone be willing to risk getting into the deep water with me and drown? When the mind starts to wander like this there is only one thing to do – switch off the TV and make more brightly coloured ‘Tree products.
And on that particular piece of insanity I leave you to go to dreamland… where hopefully I will be chased by one or two of my favourite fantasies.
Letting The Fingers Do The Walking
Apr 25th
Completely inspired by Avitable’s excellent article . Go and give the man some sympathy… he’s about to lose a major hobby…
"I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
- Woody Allen
One of the things I enjoyed most of all about living on my own was the freedom I had. The freedom that whenever I needed to relax I could close my eyes and indulge in a little me time. Turn the lights down low and call up one of my favourite fantasies – something involving hmmm…
But sometimes I don’t even need that, sometimes it really is just about the sensations; the wanting to loose myself. And that’s generally where the Rabbit comes in.
I want to find the person who invented this and kiss them all over. What utter genius. For the sweaty solo total loss of control there is nothing better. If you want it all slow and sensual the fingers a-walking is the way to go I always find.
I remember the first time I achieved the Big O all by myself. I was both surprised at the way I felt alive, and the absolute exhaustion that set in after. It was good though because you don’t have to go through the whole ‘hostess’ moment of sex (making sure everyone had a good time) and I could just roll over and go to sleep afterwards. Lovely.
Talking about fantasy men, this photo appeared on our screens at work
and it started a conversation about which two ‘stars’ would create the perfect fantasy man. George and Brad obviously come pretty close (George for the wine and roses; Brad for everything else) but no real conclusions were made. Any ideas? Or which two women make the perfect fantasy woman?
Donate to RAINN (Put GBBMC08 in the info box!)
If Ever You Needed A Reason
Apr 23rd
I could write something flippant or stupid, honest or lies, the best thing I’ve ever written, but nothing will come anywhere near this.
Donate to RAINN (Put GBBMC08 in the info box!)
Randomness
Apr 19th
This post is random in the style of Penelope over at It’s Me… Penelope…
First up a huge Happy Birthday to aka_monty over at The Daily Bitch , she is ‘celebrating’ turning 40 (the age I can’t wait to get to) so please hop over there and wish her all the best!
Okay, so I would like to apologise for yesterday’s immensely sucky post. I have reached new levels of crap with that and, yes, I feel really bad about it. I have quite a few excuses but no real reasons for it.
I picked up the pills that I forgot to blog about. The mean doctor prescribed me Provera. Being a serial Googler though I’ve just seen that you should avoid taking them if you have High Blood Pressure and a history of Depression. Further proof that he didn’t read my notes… Knobhead. But I’m seeing nice GP on Wednesday where I shall question the credentials of Meanie.
Have decided when I move into my own place I am going to buy a cello and learn to play it. There are ones on Ebay for about £150. Yo-Yo Ma makes it look so easy!
I have been doing more singing recently – building up lung capacity as much as possible. Made me think about the Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert when I embarrassed myself quite badly. Not being one to shy away from that kind of thing though I am proposing a summer version where we could do a kind of end of school concert? Any thoughts?
My wireless is bouncing up and down like a yo-yo (ma – oh I crack myself up) – what I wouldn’t do for a stable connection! Was really annoying especially as I was having a really entertaining IM conversation!
Offering a choice of post tomorrow – truth or fiction? Yes, it’s a GBBMC08 post so lots of sex eitherway…. or something truthful but embellished? Gotta make Sunday exciting somehow!
Important Answers
Apr 18th
To fill a post today I am going to answer some very important questions. The kind of questions you need need need to know the answers to.
1. What porn will I star in?
 |
| “The Quick & The Hard” |
| ~ An Adult Feature Starring Bec ~ |
| ‘What Porn will you Star in?’ at QuizUniverse.com |
2. How will I be defined in the Sexual Dictionary?
 |
Bec – [adjective]: Insatiable to the point of crazy |
| ‘How will you be defined in the Sexual Dictionary?’ at QuizUniverse.com | |
3. What music should I make love to?
| You should make love to soul
You like to groove, slow and steady. Throw on the James Brown and let the atmosphere envelop your lovemaking. Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com |
4. How Bisexual am I?
| You are 66% Bisexual
You are bisexual. For you, sex is about having fun and the sex of your partner is of no consequence to you. You probably have a little bit of a preference either way, but you don’t let that slow you down. Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com |
5. What crazy thing I am aroused by?
| As it turns out, Bec is aroused by … Little Red Riding Hood ‘What crazy thing are you aroused by?’ at QuizUniverse.com |
This post was brought to you by the nurse who took blood from my hand this morning, went in a little too hard and hit the bone (Ye Gods, it hurts.) and by the fact that I am one hand typing at the mo. Fun. Donate to RAINN (Put GBBMC08 in the info box!) GBBMC08 Homepage
Cold Shower
Apr 16th
I had big plans to do a sex meme tonight as I am both tired and more than a little anxious about tomorrow’s appointment at the Gynaecology Department. My anxiety comes in two parts – the usual fairly boring ‘what if they find something horrible which ends up with lying on a trolley being wheeled into surgery or being on the front cover of the British Medical Journal (or both); and the other slightly more interesting and definitely more blog-able.
I am not sure what is going to happen tomorrow – whether or not there will be some kind of scan or… exam… I would totally prefer a pen and paper – you have two hours – in a stuffy room type but the physical? No… It’s not the embarrassing exposure part – well, it is but its also…
To put it another way… I’m a little sensitive … and not exactly hard to please…
The last time I had an exam I was asked twice if it was too warm as I looked a little flushed. It was difficult to explain that the slightest touch…
I’m not, thank God, one of those woman who can’t control herself; but it does get hard difficult interesting sometimes trying to think of new ways to take my mind off what is going on… and not suggesting ‘a little to the left and a little harder please’.
I usually try dividing phone numbers by 2 or 3 or something or trying to remember all the lyrics to Stairway To Heaven but that doesn’t help when whoever is examining you is trying to keep up a conversation in a light hearted way.
So my question to you is what is your mental cold shower? Have you ever needed one?
Donate to RAINN (Put GBBMC08 in the info box!)
Fire Sign
Apr 8th
The Ram is more of a tiger where sex is concerned and, like many other sleek animals, loves the hunt — that steady pursuit of the ultimate prize. Aries is a physical and fearless lover and is blessed with the stamina to go all night long. They are not afraid to experiment sexually in their quest for pleasure, which means an open-minded lover is a must. The Mile-High Club must have been invented for these folks! It’s safe to say that Aries’ lover must be able to satisfy, or the Ram will move on. The dominant sexual partner will likely be the Ram, and while eroticism is important, a mental connection is also favored by this sign. As if Aries weren’t passionate and demanding enough, they also want to be made to feel secure in a sexual relationship, lest jealousy rear its ugly head. – astrology.com
Being a fire sign sucks.
The constant bubbling just under the surface, the total inability to finish anything as everything happens too slow, having to deal with other people who just don’t know how quickly you need to move at to keep up with yourself, and the not being able to guarantee the weather round your birthday.
‘…loves the hunt…’
I really do – I have that problem of boredom too, once I have what I wanted I don’t want it any more.
‘…not afraid to experiment…’
I’m try-sexual – I’ll try anything once. Well, most things – there are some very clear no no’s…
‘… dominant sexual partner…’
Oh yes, definitely… but then see… ‘mental connection… made to feel secure…’
- totally screwed. Totally bloody screwed. So, boiled down to it – it’s all about the wanting and needing at the same time – the hunger for (as Peter Gabriel would say) ‘the touch’ and the needing to feel part of something bigger.
‘…jealousy’
Will, and does, drive me mad. I become fixated rather quickly and then get all possessive… which really bites into my feelings of low self worth – ‘That’s mine, all mine but I don’t deserve it so please you take it… away from me…’ It’s a little noisy some times in there. I imagine this is where all the good drunken stories come from.
This is all a round about way of saying happy birthday to the incredible and gorgeous Penelope (a fellow Arien) who is having a huge slice of cake well, tomorrow if I get this posted on time (the 9th) -the 100th day of the year!
Am a little annoyed that I will have to have my 30th on the 101st day this year but, heh, what can you do?!
Well, what you can do is bob over to It’s me… Penelope and wish her many many good things and then donate some money to RAINN… See, Ram? Not subtle.
Donate to RAINN (Put GBBMC08 in the info box!)
Stop Feeling
Apr 7th
Okay, so in this post I am going to go to a bad place within me and my past. If you’d rather not know or read this then may I suggest you go here, to one of the greatest comic strips online. Yes, I have linked you to the first one. And I’ll see you tomorrow…
Still here?
After my heart broke I became a different person that stopped hoping for hearts and flowers and well… became a fairly self destructive human being. I did not enjoy being happy as it would only be a precursor to feeling like crap. I was one of those people. I stopped taking my anti-depressant-stress-reducing-numbing pills and decided I would spiral for a while; y’know, just to see what it was like.
During some of the bigger spirals I would exit stage right from concerned friend land, put on something potentially revealing and end up in a club, where I would find me a man who was stringless and try to feel something else. I would deliberately put myself into some bad bad situations because I genuinely believed I was worthless and set out to prove it… in an oddball kind of way.
Well, you can imagine. It didn’t matter what I did or who I did it with I would just feel worse and worse about myself… ach encounter perfuctory, each receiving some kind of satisfaction, anonymous, this meant I would put myself in more dangerous positions… and the years ticked by.
The internet helped me achieve the really stupid.
So it got to one night about four years ago when I was chatting with some guy – IM-ing back and forth the old hat clichéd things we would do to one another if we were in a room together… Where are you? he asks and I tell him. Oh wow he says I’m about two miles away.
So I do what any stupid worthless imbecile does – I give him my address. 10 minutes later he comes round – the kind of guy you would normally cross the street to avoid; he looks like the words ‘bar fight’ mean the same as ‘Saturday night’.
I make him a cup of coffee and try to pretend like this is all normal while he drifts round my small flat, picking my things up and looking at them. Small talk occurs and then he starts to read lines from the chat window still open on my computer screen, and he slides the straps of this ridiculous satin nightie off my shoulder, exposing my breasts which he starts to fondle.
"Make me come"
The words on the screen which felt so bland earlier are now feeling erotic as all hell and I reach down and undo his jeans. He pushes me down in front of him and holds my head while I stroke his dick, wanting this as it will make me feel something else but also being ever so slightly bored… and tired…
I lean forwards to begin what looks like a quick blow job, but he decides he is control (one of the things I loved about giving head is that we are pretty much in control and he takes it away) and as soon as my mouth has slid over the tip he slams it in, blocking my airway and causing me to gag. He is pulling my hair back and forth and a thought goes through my head that I am nothing more than a doll to him. He comes quickly and pushes me away so I land back on the floor hitting my head on the computer desk behind me. He continues to come on me and grunts,
"Is that what you wanted?"
I am coughing and can’t speak which he takes as the affirmative. He smiles and leaves, waving. 15 minutes later he’s IM-ing me about coming round tomorrow. I feel nothing for the first time in ages, and I can’t see the face of the one who broke my heart. I say yes.
A month later I moved.
Donate to RAINN (Put GBBMC08 in the info box!)
Pretty Woman I’m Not
Apr 5th
I saw this quiz over on Citizen of the Month , and knowing what I was going to be writing about today decided to take it.
Powered By Adult Toy Shop
So, that’s not bad right? I mean, at about £500 an hour I could get a place to live and pretty much anything I want. I mean, obviously men all over the place are just dying to sleep with me , even to the point of dropping a months rent on 60 minutes in heaven with me!
Prostitutes, or if we are going to be all PC about it – Sex Care Providers – fall into two groups in my head.
- The willing
- The not
The willing to me are those men and women who have chose this as their profession, much in the same way someone chooses to be a lawyer, or an administrator, or a call centre operator. They are providing a service, filling a niche; it’s just their job is unsavoury to a lot of people. But they work hard at their jobs… and get about as much enjoyment as the rest of us do… I suppose. Having never actually spoken to anyone in that industry i am getting all of this info from the blog which inspired the TV Series Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Yes the one with Billie Piper in it).
The only difference between us and them is that they probably have better stories to tell at the water cooler.
The ‘not’ are victims of horrible circumstances, horrible people, a part of a horrible world. There is a special place in hell reserved for those who control the lives of these men and women, boys and girls, and it is the responsibility of all of us who enjoy sex to do what we can to let other’s enjoy it again too.
Donate to RAINN (Put GBBMC08 in the info box!)
Everything Leads to Sex
Apr 4th
So I am sitting in Starbucks, drinking my grande Caramel Macchiato and picking the frosting from my Sicilian Lemon Cupcake (heaven on a plate) thinking about sex.
I know, Starbucks just says sex, doesn’t it? The froth on the top of the coffee, the drizzling of the caramel, the lick as the tip of your tongue brushes away the touch of frosting from your still moist lips. Mmmm…
But seriously, the Starbucks I was sitting in is opposite a jewellery shop and this got me thinking about sex as well. The bling bling jewels on the soft satin sheets and crushed velvet (that no one in the history of man has ever put on their bed in a serious fashion, have they? Oh, you have. Sorry – am a first class moron here, but come on?!). The furtive glances between man buying jewels and the woman he is hope that this’ll be the gift that persuades her to do thing he really wants (make Tiramisu obviously) . Even the uniform they are wearing ( a austere black suit) screams sex. It’s the outfit the sexy secretary wears just shortly before being bent over the desk and spanked. “Ooo, harder, harder. Kitty had been a very naughty girl for not filing the quarterly returns, and needs to be taught a lesson…”
There doesn’t seem to be much which, since I started thinking about it, doesn’t relate to sex in some way. It’s probably because of a conversation we had today about sex and the internet. This started because of news that all sexual offenders have to hand their email addresses in so that social networking sites like Bebo, MySpace and Facebook can ban them from their internet sites (a policy so ridiculously full of holes that even the most stupid of all sex offenders will find their way round it). Follow me if you will form this to sex on the net. It was a whole, sex offenders… protect kids, bad things on the computer, they see bad things, sex is bad, sex on the internet thing – hardly Led Zeppelin to nachos and cheese in six moves or less.
I had to explain to someone how anything can be plugged into Google and a sex related site will pop out – maybe not on page one but somewhere down the list it will… Of course that was 20 minutes of trying ridiculous things like “crochet pattern” and “MacBook Air” (which of course is just pure sex anyway) trying to prove me wrong in a ‘that just can’t be true’ way.
Please note, I am not endorsing these websites and think they really should sort themselves out so that only the people who actually want to see “Fruit Salad” will see that. Obviously these people are going to lose their buzz when re-directed to the Delia Smith and see a different use for a Granny Smith.
Donate to RAINN (Put GBBMC08 in the info box!)
