I have lost my appetite and am losing weight.  I feel a little tired but am otherwise fine (mind you I haven’t been sleeping because of the writing but that’s another story) and well, I am so much more sensitive than usual.

Nothing more than a stiff breeze.  Seriously.

So, I have started another blog because there are some things you just can’t discuss on a site where your work colleagues and people who know you go to and marvel at the fact that you can drone on and on about nothing at all at an irregular pace.

I don’t even know what I’m going to write on there yet but I feel like if I don’t have an outlet for these feelings inside me I may explode… and not in a good way.

And I am tense anyway.  Job interview on Friday and I am really nervous about it.

Today there was rugby but England lost so we’re ignoring that at the moment.

I had a revelation about my writing today, I like writing fanfiction and I refuse to get all snotty about it – but we’re ignoring that at the moment.

I had a lovely conversation with a delicious person on Facebook today that made me remember all the good thins about being uninhibited and a little bit crazy and wild so I decided to really go there and got the Southern Comfort out.

Now, apart from port, which makes me do silly things like sleep with inappropriate people Southern Comfort is my ‘loosening up’ drink and I got loose tonight.

I have been trying to write an ‘angry sex’ scene for days and nothing was working.  It’s been soooo long angry or otherwise that I was having trouble remembering.  Thank God for the internet.  I mean, I still haven’t written the scene but I can remember things now.

Tonight I had no intentions of drinking.  I was going to write, read, watch a bit of Tv and potter off to bed.  But instead…

There be drinkin’ here… and Prince wailing an order to Gett Off.

It’s that kind of night.

This is a being a whole different kind of Self Love post to last year.

Love to you all.

This is not because I am not full of love for you all, and is not because I am dead (thank you so much for that email… you know who you are).  It is purely becauseI find myself a little more uninteresting than usual… and don’t want to bore you.

Update on my life?  Okay.

I work, I sleep, I write, I read, I watch TV and I work and sleep some more.

And I sing.  Well, I’ve started to sing in my head. And at bus stops.  But seriously, bursting into song like life is a musical isn’t all that weird, right?

Mmmm… I have been feeling a bit emotional recently.   I spent some time with my bestest friend in the whole wide world and she reminded me of who I used to be before… well…  before… and I am quite desperate to get back to being that person again.

It’s just so hard.

Medically, life goes on.  The month on inhalers for the asthma I don’t have went by with nothing changing but we are giving it another go with a steroid addition to get the inhalers to kick start or something.

One day, I swear I am going to start rattling when I walk. 

I am in the middle of a long application process I really want and am quite scared about equally.  I have been given so much help and advice by everyone – apparently I need to ‘sell myself more’.  Any ideas?

I am pulling my head out ofmy arse and trying to get my crap together but y’know how it is!

I am obscenely excited about things coming up in my life.  March and April are going to be quite huge for me. 

While, for the foreseeable future this is not going to be a daily blog I am going to try hard to update more often.

And I really do love you all.

More than you know.

I am currently writing all my posts offline and then hurriedly copying and pasting them whenever I get a signal from my wireless.  Then, as this is usually quite late, I click publish and drift off to sleep hoping for the best.  Imagine my horror when I saw that not a bloody one had gone through for the last week.  Grrrr…

What is worse is all this copying and pasting has reminded me that I am supposed to have been copying and pasting bits of posts over to Holidailies to show that I have posted everyday.  Yeah, I think I have done that three times this month.

AND, Blog365.  I haven’t copied a post over to that page since… oh God… Novemeber 20th.  The difference being is I can post the last 40 odd posts over there and back date them so the days are covered.  Holidailies?  Not so much.  You can post once every 12 hours and I haven’t got the patience to wait that one out.  I will do better on that next year… Probably!

I have been thinking about the posting everyday thing year and may be comign up with some sort of schedule so that I give myself a day off every so often and use that to write.  One thing NaNoWriMo taught me was you have to give yourself time to write and not just expect it all to come to you as you fit it in between the rest of life.  Somethign else I will work on for next year!

Another thing I must add to my steadilly growing resolution list is to read other blogs.  I have been hopelessly rubbish about this recently.  And while a lot of it is going to be blamed on the wi-fi badness, most of it is just me.

I am dreading opening my feedreader.

I really do miss you all.

One – I haven’t finished uploading what are the world’s most uninteresting to anyone but me photos and

Two – I have been having a last ditch day to try and snap up as many words as possible for my first NaNoWriMo attempt.

Beautiful ladies and too gorgeous to be around gentlemen my final figure is:

23,204

Yep, not even half way.  But, do you know what?  I feel proud that I got that far… and I may even be able to use this ‘start’ and get somewhere else with it, and in a way – isn’t that the point?

I would like to offer my congratulations to those who are Winners and I would like to offer my congratulations to those who started and persevered.  I, for one, certainly don’t feel like a ‘loser’ just because I didn’t get the magic number of 50,000!

Next time, people, I will get it next time!

But home is here and now… and my bed (which may be small and in no way as comfortable the one at Slaley Hall) is calling me.

First I just want to offer my thanks to the gorgeousness that is Martin, Penelope
and Blondefabulous for saving my arse and being far too brilliant!

Long post tomorrow after I have uploaded the pics.

Tomorrow is a day of writing and hoping time slows down.  Yes, I am a little behind in the NaNoWriMo writing.

I’m back (properly) on Friday but yes you get to have brilliant people come in and entertain you for three of the days.

On Monday you have the ridiculously smart Martin of Benign Intervention
Tuesday is too sexy for her own good Penelope of It’s Me… Penelope
and Wednesday belongs to Blondefabulous of Blondefabulocity

They’re all gonna be so good I get the feeling I’m going to get locked out of my own blog!

I’ll be updating on Twitter as and when I can.

So be nice and lovely, as you usually are,  and I’ll see you all next week!

My mother, in her ongoing quest to use the things we have given her over the years decided she wants to put more, and different, music on her iPod.  She asked me for my CD collection, which has been in storage in the garage since I moved back over a year ago.  So, today I donned coat and my own Ipod and wandered into the place where spiders live.

My stuff is near the back of said garage and so lots of ‘useful’ things like my brother’s two bikes, petrol strimmer, lawnmower and a whole mess of garden furniture has to moved first.  As well as a (why the hell do we own that?) box moving hand truck thing.  I was lifting the bright yellow never been used hand truck over a box on the floor and knocked against something hard.

About two seconds later I noticed that there was a set of ladders on the floor that hadn’t been there before; and then my middle left finger started throbbing.  It has a weird lump in it now (which doesn’t translate onto a photo – it just looks like a short stubby finger or like I’m giving the world ‘the bird’.) and has gone a weird shade of blue.

The good thing?  Mum guilt.

And now the audience participation part.

I need help filling in next week’s posts.  I am away from a definite internet connection for 5 days – Sunday 23rd through to Friday 28th.  I might be able to get online for brief periods during those five days but who the hell knows.  I’ll be in an area which even Google acknowledges is in the middle of nowhere.  Hopefully I will be able to trust the website and arrive to discover that the free and open wi-fi really is free and open in all areas… But you and I both know that is wishes were horses we’d all win the Grand National.

So I know it’s NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo and it’s that month where everything seems to need doing all at once but come on I only need four more!  Four of you beautiful people to show me up on my own blog (it’ll look better before I go too! See I’m going to tidy up for you!  Just you!).  I’m not sure how this sits with the Blog365 challenge but… REST!  RELAXATION!  CHANCE TO RECHARGE!

The other thing is Christmas.  I love you all (especially you) and want to send you Christmas Cards to express my deep and undying love for you (I would send you all a suitcase full of money too but mine hasn’t arrived yet…) so addresses please! If you got one last year and haven’t moved worry not I still have them stored in the part of my address book where I keep the names of people I get to take with me when the mothership comes to take me home.  So email to: iwantachristmascard@outofmytree.co.uk (thank you to Blondefabulous for reminding me it was that time of the year again!)

Tomorrow is another day and should work not happen again then I shall be offline and parked in front of the story which is going quite well… at the moment.  I may even want to go further with it afterwards BUT one step at a time and all that.

In other news, on Facebook today the darling Neilochka posted an event for the 2nd Annual Blogger Holiday Arts and Crafts Fair and also the sign up sheet for the 2008  Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert which means the annual bout of fear about what to sing begins again.  I will not be revisiting last year’s disastrous O Holy Night but will try and go for something a little less… squeaky!

But for now I’ll stick with the writing!