I feel… Angry.
I feel… Upset.
I feel… No this is ridiculous. I can’t ‘I feel’ statement my way through this. I know what is wrong. I’m tired.
Yes I am writing this at 2.30 in the morning on my iPhone as I lie in bed waiting for sleep to take me away but it isn’t coming.
I have a buzzing in my head and my skin feels like it is about to run off. I feel hot and cold at the same time and every little thing is bothering me. I feel rubbish and stupid and unable to control myself. I need help or a hub or something but feel unworthy of one. I am snapping at Neil who has done nothing to deserve it. I want to be able to breathe in and out without feeling like my lungs will explode and I want to be able to exist without feeling sick all the damn time and without my stomach leaping up and strangling itself. And dammit I want to be able to have a day where I don’t want to cry.
I have honestly never been as happy as I am now. Neil is the perfect man and I couldn’t want for anything else – why can’t I stop failing at being me?