Out Of My Tree

I got the job. The one I wanted, and interviewed for and got help for and felt good about and all being good with my references returning quickly I get to start next week… and then paradise is mine.

Real money

Real responsibility

Real chance of getting my life back together.

It’s all so very real.

Is this why I am shaking so much? Is it all too real?

I got the job. The one I wanted, and interviewed for and got help for and felt good about and all being good with my references returning quickly I get to start next week… and then paradise is mine.

Real money

Real responsibility

Real chance of getting my life back together.

It’s all so very real.

Is this why I am shaking so much? Is it all too real?

I got the job. The one I wanted, and interviewed for and got help for and felt good about and all being good with my references returning quickly I get to start next week… and then paradise is mine.

Real money

Real responsibility

Real chance of getting my life back together.

It’s all so very real.

Is this why I am shaking so much? Is it all too real?

I got the job. The one I wanted, and interviewed for and got help for and felt good about and all being good with my references returning quickly I get to start next week… and then paradise is mine.

Real money

Real responsibility

Real chance of getting my life back together.

It’s all so very real.

Is this why I am shaking so much? Is it all too real?

Okay.  Confession.  i have stopped taking my medication.  I mean i’m still taking my blood pressure medication because I would be bloody stupid to top taking that and I know it works, but all the PCOS and asthma stuff that just feels like an excuse to make me spend money I have stopped… and there has been no bad effects as far as I can tell.

I have lost my appetite and am losing weight.  I feel a little tired but am otherwise fine (mind you I haven’t been sleeping because of the writing but that’s another story) and well, I am so much more sensitive than usual.

Nothing more than a stiff breeze.  Seriously.

So, I have started another blog because there are some things you just can’t discuss on a site where your work colleagues and people who know you go to and marvel at the fact that you can drone on and on about nothing at all at an irregular pace.

I don’t even know what I’m going to write on there yet but I feel like if I don’t have an outlet for these feelings inside me I may explode… and not in a good way.

And I am tense anyway.  Job interview on Friday and I am really nervous about it.

Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day but we’re ignoring that at the moment.

Today there was rugby but England lost so we’re ignoring that at the moment.

I had a revelation about my writing today, I like writing fanfiction and I refuse to get all snotty about it – but we’re ignoring that at the moment.

I had a lovely conversation with a delicious person on Facebook today that made me remember all the good thins about being uninhibited and a little bit crazy and wild so I decided to really go there and got the Southern Comfort out.

Now, apart from port, which makes me do silly things like sleep with inappropriate people Southern Comfort is my ‘loosening up’ drink and I got loose tonight.

I have been trying to write an ‘angry sex’ scene for days and nothing was working.  It’s been soooo long angry or otherwise that I was having trouble remembering.  Thank God for the internet.  I mean, I still haven’t written the scene but I can remember things now.

Tonight I had no intentions of drinking.  I was going to write, read, watch a bit of Tv and potter off to bed.  But instead…

There be drinkin’ here… and Prince wailing an order to Gett Off.

It’s that kind of night.

This is a being a whole different kind of Self Love post to last year.

Love to you all.

…That I haven’t been on the blog for, ooo, a while.   Well, three weeks.

This is not because I am not full of love for you all, and is not because I am dead (thank you so much for that email… you know who you are).  It is purely becauseI find myself a little more uninteresting than usual… and don’t want to bore you.

Update on my life?  Okay.

I work, I sleep, I write, I read, I watch TV and I work and sleep some more.

And I sing.  Well, I’ve started to sing in my head. And at bus stops.  But seriously, bursting into song like life is a musical isn’t all that weird, right?

Mmmm… I have been feeling a bit emotional recently.   I spent some time with my bestest friend in the whole wide world and she reminded me of who I used to be before… well…  before… and I am quite desperate to get back to being that person again.

It’s just so hard.

Medically, life goes on.  The month on inhalers for the asthma I don’t have went by with nothing changing but we are giving it another go with a steroid addition to get the inhalers to kick start or something.

One day, I swear I am going to start rattling when I walk. 

I am in the middle of a long application process I really want and am quite scared about equally.  I have been given so much help and advice by everyone – apparently I need to ’sell myself more’.  Any ideas?

I am pulling my head out ofmy arse and trying to get my crap together but y’know how it is!

I am obscenely excited about things coming up in my life.  March and April are going to be quite huge for me. 

While, for the foreseeable future this is not going to be a daily blog I am going to try hard to update more often.

And I really do love you all.

More than you know.