I totally and completely screwed up today.

I accidentally republished all aof my old Camel posts on Out of My Tree by not paying attetion to what I was doing.  I was supposed to be reinstalling Camel as a complete blog on my own Hosting site so that those who want to could read it without having to go all the way to WordPress.com.

As a result of my numbskullery there was a rush of well over a hundred Tweets in less than a minute… which as you imagine was horrendous for anyone who subscribed to my Twitterfeed.  And for anyone who subscribes to my Facebook statuses as they all would have drifted over there.

I am, well, a fucking idiot.  This is exactly the kind of thing that I try to avoid doing as I don’t want to annoy anyone online, as they are… to be honest, the only ones I feel like I can communicate with as they don’t have to look into my eyes and see the self pitying crap that is there most of the time.

And today started off so bloody well.  My iPod didn’t hate me today playing lots of Jason Mraz and I saw someone who always makes me laugh on the bus into work.  Work was fun today – busy and hectic, but fun.  It was almost montage-y in it’s lightness. I mean, we were all seriously getting on with work but… in a upbeat way.

I felt connected to the physical world in a way I haven’t for a long time… and it scares the ever living crap out of me.

I have been smiling a lot recently.  People around me smile back.  But the smile on my face is a borrowed emotion from books, music, films and the fantasies in my head.  My mask is firmly back on. There is a storm gathering in my head and I’m not sure how much longer I can avoid it.