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Flare
Oct
7
I have been staring at this blank screen for a while. And hoping that inspiration will come.
The rain is pounding and nothing I can think of nothing except running out there screaming in… something or another. The barely repressed pain of the last couple of weeks is starting to bubble in rage and I don’t really know how to deal with it anymore.
I just want…
It sounds stupid (and I know I’ve been going on about it a lot and I’m sorry…) but I can’t believe how badly I am feeling about this. Hilly was right in her comment when she said Izzy was like my kid. She was a total child substitute and my arms feel empty. Everything feels empty. And I am working all the hours I can to avoid the void.
And I’m keeping it all inside, putting the mask on from morning to night, pretending everything is fine while stumbling over my words and tripping over things. We went to the supermarket the other day and I picked up cat food as part of the weekly shop. It took all I could to not fall apart in the store.
Everyday is like that.
God, I am so boring. Sorry
5 Responses to “Blank Screen”
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October 7th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
You are not boring….you’re grieving. It happens whether we want it to or not. Hell, I have real kids, but if one of my furry buddies were to pass away I would be devestated for quite a long time. My dog has a wardrobe, I have whole conversations with my cat, I make play dates for my doggie with other furry friends, and I pamper my kitty.
I wish I was there to give you a hug. You sound like you could really use one.
October 7th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
No, you’re British.
October 8th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Blondefabulous – Thank you (said in small weak pathetic but eternally grateful voice)
whall – Ooo, funny.
October 8th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
It’s OK to grieve, dear Bec. I cry for weeks, months, sometimes years, when I lose a pet. Let it all out. I mean it. It’s important not to bottle it up. Take care of yourself.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Selma – Bottling up is one of those things I am so very good at… to start off with. The losing my mind later on sucks quite a bit though! Thank you…