I have been staring at this blank screen for a while.  And hoping that inspiration will come.

The rain is pounding and nothing I can think of nothing except running out there screaming in… something or another.  The barely repressed pain of the last couple of weeks is starting to bubble in rage and I don’t really know how to deal with it anymore.

I just want…

It sounds stupid (and I know I’ve been going on about it a lot and I’m sorry…) but I can’t believe how badly I am feeling about this.  Hilly was right in her comment when she said Izzy was like my kid.  She was a total child substitute and my arms feel empty.  Everything feels empty.  And I am working all the hours I can to avoid the void.

And I’m keeping it all inside, putting the mask on from morning to night, pretending everything is fine while stumbling over my words and tripping over things.  We went to the supermarket the other day and I picked up cat food as part of the weekly shop.  It took all I could to not fall apart in the store.

Everyday is like that.

God, I am so boring.  Sorry