Coming Around Again
If you follow me on Twitter you will already know the news that I am the road of looking for a job. Again. My CV is starting to look like a hodge podge of job after job after job. Each time the contracts end, the good and great prospects drift away - each time health is the main cause, the why and wherefore, the reason that I have to go.
At least this job was nice about it. ‘If any positions come up in the future… when you are feeling better… apply… do!’ But as I smiled (a missed message from my agency on Friday meant I went in today) at the familiar faces and the familiar surroundings that I had begun to love so much my heart broke just a little bit more.
It was my fault. I had dared to dream and once again my body and heart were singing from different song sheets.
And my agency were lovely about it but it is that time of the year - when the students come home and no one wants to hire 30 year olds who want proper money and to have a job that won’t bore them crapless.
Oh, dammit, I’ve left my shoes there. And my David Tennant mug. I’ll go in tomorrow and pick them up. At least it will get me out of the house for a bit.
I can feel the tears building but I don’t see the point in releasing them. I’ve been here before and until I get this damn health crap sorted I’ll be here again. Bright side? More time to sit down at the doctors and bug the hell out of them. Bright side? More time to concentrate on writing that award winning novel. Bright side? Nah, that’s it.
Because I didn’t sleep at all last night, my head feels slightly fuzzy and I’m burning up. I want nothing more than to put my head on my arm and go to sleep right here at the table… let someone throw a blanket over me and I’ll be asleep in minutes… and then I can stay asleep and avoid the oncoming nightmare…
At least I don’t have a place of my own. At least I don’t have any dependents. At least I don’t have any immediate future plans.
I’m so sorry! I’m having one of those days too. Nothing like spending a weekend in the city of dreams and coming home to a nightmare of ants that won’t die, a husband who can’t get a better job because of a shitty economy, a clothes line that broke because there is no proper place to plug in my dryer, a mid life crisis that has been buliding for months but I’ve been ignoring it….. You see where this is going, right??
HUGS!!!!!
blondefabulouss last blog post..A Weekend Recap.
Comment by blondefabulous — July 14, 2008 @ 7:39 pm
Oh sweetheart that totally sucks!
Sending you email right now rather than ramble on in your comments ;o)
Penelopes last blog post..Stalking through the generations.
Comment by Penelope — July 14, 2008 @ 8:45 pm
I’m sorry, that really is bad news.
Comment by Dan — July 14, 2008 @ 10:27 pm
thinking of you, have no magic formula to make this better. L.
lias last blog post..and breathe!
Comment by lia — July 14, 2008 @ 10:57 pm
Good luck with the novel. Personally I would say that sex and violence need not be too graphic and it’s the characters that matter. On the other hand Chuck Palahniuk points out that one can get away with extremes in books that wouldn’t be seen on screen, and he has a point.
My sympathies for your loss.
Comment by yorksdevil — July 14, 2008 @ 11:58 pm
I have wondered more than once what it will take to fall in love with work. Given the ability I know what I would do, just haven’t figured out how to make it work.
Perhaps one day.
Comment by Jack — July 15, 2008 @ 7:55 am
Oh honey, I am so sorry that this job did not work out. Take care of YOU and your health and yanno, I have faith that the right thing will come along for you!
Hillys last blog post..Snackie’s Confession Booth: Summer of Sinaliciousness!
Comment by Hilly — July 15, 2008 @ 3:19 pm
That is bad news about the job. I hope something else will turn up soon and that maybe you can take a little time to address your health issues. Take it easy.
Selmas last blog post..Tuesday Afternoon In The Park
Comment by Selma — July 15, 2008 @ 3:44 pm
ohhhh love - the work and good health will come. maybe the time off will aid recovery? does nothing for the bank balance i know, but at least the door is still open for you to go back to the old job.
Jos last blog post..Unpaid slave, again
Comment by Jo — July 15, 2008 @ 9:37 pm
blondefabulous - Massive massive hugs. We have an ant farm out front every year and every year I’m out there squeezing lemons over the hole where they come from - little blighters! (It really works)
Penelope - Thanks babe!
Dan - Bad news, but another silver lining - I’ve finally watched the first 8 episodes of season 4 of The O.C. (Hercules is Ryan’s Dad?! Come on Virgin! Put the next lot on!)
lia - I put magic beans somewhere safe a while ago but totally can’t find them now!
yorksdevil - the funny thing is my book has both sex scenes and fight scenes in it and, well, at the moment wherever one is required I’ve put [INSERT SEX SCENE] or similar…
Jack - I’ve found the way to fall in love with work - love the people you work with. Everything else becomes so much easier then.
Hilly - And it was going so well. I think I should be a gazillionnaire! I’d be very good at that. A gazillionnaire blogger? Yeah, that sounds like a good time!
Selma - It certainly is going to give me more time to bug the doctors about things.
Jo - Just have to wait for any positions to become available and then… Maybe I’ll take a leaf out of your book and offer myself up for some unpaid work experience? Hmmm… I feel a googling coming on!
Comment by bec — July 15, 2008 @ 10:15 pm
In Murakami’s “Wind-Up Bird Chronicle” there were some graphic sex scenes and a man got skinned alive. Particularly with the sex, I was of the opinion we could have done without the details. Still a good book though.
Comment by yorksdevil — July 16, 2008 @ 12:17 am
yorksdevil - Yeah, I’m not a details person either… All girly emotions here… just trying to put myself in the situations takes a fine balance between wine and typing capability!
Comment by bec — July 16, 2008 @ 12:57 am
That does suck muchly… we have two 20 year olds in our office, I’d gladly trade them for one hard working intelligent 30 year old.
Nats last blog post..Victories big and small
Comment by Nat — July 16, 2008 @ 2:14 am
Nat - the commute to work might kill my finances but I’m there!
Comment by bec — July 16, 2008 @ 3:06 am