Out Of My Tree

That’s kind of…. no exactly how I felt today, like I was filled with bubbles. Shallow and frivolous and fluffy bunny like.  I was quite surprised to not find myself skipping around the park sucking on a brightly coloured lollipop of some description.

Who knows why?  Maybe it was the total lack of pressure flowing at me that I could feel.  Maybe it was the sun breaking the clouds and warming up the world again… Maybe it was the messing around with IT stuff and other people’s websites and things like that.

Who knows?  But what I do know is for the first time in what feels like forever I didn’t want to be sick.  I didn’t fall asleep at work and I didn’t find it an effort to move.  AND oh-ho getthis people of the world I climbed three flights in HEELS without stopping whilst carrying on a conversation and (while in no way breathing steadily) did not need to have a sit down to recover!

Could it be?  Could this be the beginning steps to health?

Tomorrow I go to Manchester to play learn about new computer systems.  I go on train I play learn, I come back on train, I go to Starbucks at least twice and will in no way feel like I am cheating on my local Starbucks when I go to the other one.  I like my local one – everyone who works there are beautiful souls who make you feel like it is a joy to serve you coffee.  I know it’s probably a pain in the arse but they never let you see that.  Love them.  A lot.

Although slightly less than I love you guys for putting up with the whining about health crap – maybe, just maybe it’s on the way up.  Like the bubbles.

A story has come to my attention that makes me want to laugh because of the ridiculousness and cry because of the ‘is that the way the world is now?’-ness of it.

Basically, in Sweden a young boy has not been invited to a birthday party being held by another boy in his class… and this, apparently, violates his human rights. Apparently. He invited everyone in his class EXCEPT two lads – one who didn’t invite him to his birthday party and one who he doesn’t like anyway.

I was, obviously, the most popular girl in school and got invited to everything… Obviously. But if I had known that by not being invited my human rights were being violated I would have chained myself to the railings in protest.

Unbelievable.

In other news, though, it turns out that men are happy after one night stands and women are not. Well, that was research money well spent.

Yes, I know that there are important things going on in the world and I am upset, appalled, disgusted and ashamed of all of them, but today, my whole day was leading up to one 45minute period.  Doctor Who. The Stolen Earth.

THERE ARE NO SPOILERS HERE (Go here if you want them).  I’ve learned my lesson on that one over and over and over.  I was gibbering like a fool at the end of it. Like. A. Fool.

I mean my head knew that the thing that appeard to happen couldn’t have possibly happened but my heart was pounding like a… poundy thing and I had a tear of excitement right from… pretty much the first moment.  And… when The Doctor and Donna went to the… place and then… the look of panic on Donna’s face was much like my own.  Scary.

But then joy joy joy.  And then horror.  Ooo… another big nemesis back with lots and lots of reasons how that could be.  And Rose?  Whiney.  I mean, great she was there but whiney…

And it’s just lucky (or really really sad) that I watch all the other spin offs so I knew who everyone else was…

I’m shutting up now… but I think I know what the Osterhagen Key is.  And if I’m right?  Oooooooo…

Right, I’m going back to the BBC to watch it again.  For those outside the UK – go – download!  Waste no time!

There was a tiny moment this morning when I thought about not going to work today.  It was the moment that I woke up and felt like I had been punched in the stomach by a large man.  A very large man.  With one of those scary metal knuckle duster affairs.  The ones that usually have something like HATE or I Love My Mum written on them.

But having neither ETAH or muM yM evoL I branded onto my stomach I assumed there was something else going on.  But also realising that I was standing and not in any way falling over thought that I should do that left right left right thing and continue onwards.

I just made the bus so had no time to stand at the stop, contemplate my life and come up with reason why I shouldn’t go in.  Which was great.  And by the time I was in Preston I was feeling… well, rubbish, obviously but onwards…

I saw someone I used to be friends with and she looked terrible.  I mean, I was sweating, hair akimbo, huffing and puffing like a big bad wolf, all the bits (that shouldn’t be) wobbling about but she looked terrible.  Trying to be evil but just coming off as manic grin, she always used to be dressed impeccably – she’s one of those who puts a lot of value in her appearance – but today she looked as if she had got dressed backwards in the dark.  It made me sad for her.

But I was thinking about myself and getting through the day.  Work itself was… weird.  There’s been some weird office politics going on recently but it has really increased over the last few days.  It was one of those were I knew it was going on and I knew what was going on but I had to pretend it wasn’t going on as I hadn’t been there when it was… going… on… Hmmm.

But I survived and ended the day in Starbucks.

Although there were one or two moments when I was almost crying for someone to say the magic words, “Go home”.

Panting and everything today, it was a weird lung day but ahhh…. enough of that.

I’ve spent all day trying to write things and have come up with exactly nothing.  That’s right, nothing.

I need and have to get out there and breathe the world in – stimulate the old synapses.  ONe way or another I have to start living and breathing normally again.

i had a row with my mother today.  She, in an off the cuff way, told me that she has been aches in her chest.  Now, she wouldn’t have mentioned it if it wasn’t concerning her and she certainly wouldn’t have gone to the doctors and got checkd out if it hadn’t scared her… and the doctors told her to rest so what is she doing?  Running about like a lunatic and refusing to sit down.

I’m being a little bit selfish but I’ve got enough to be worrying about at the moment without knowing that Mum could end up in hospital again.

Mind you the way I was feeling today there could be three generations in hospital at the same time.

Whinging?  Yes.  Whining?  Oh-ho yes!  I need a shower.

It was another doctors appointment today.  Fun.  My Potassium levels are low but GOOD NEWS cats and kittens, my blood pressure is now within normal levels… Hurrah.

So, interesting conundrum. Do I keep taking the medication that is bringing my blood pressure down, but is making me tired and miserable and bleurghy.  I mean, my blood pressure was ridiculous and was causing me pain and some of that has gone, but the tiredness is really messing with my head.

Oh, and the sickness – probably the sickness bug that s going around.

Why can’t it just be easy?  Medication with no side effects.  Medication that just works

God, my head feels so fuzzy.  I have been asleep for most of two days and my brain is still there in the dream land where I am loved and the sun shines over perfect green fields.

Yeah, it’s all a bit messed up here today.

Bed.

Bowl-hugging.

Work.

Bowl-hugging.

Sent home from work.

Bowl-hugging.

Bed.

No, don’t move, don’t run or fly away.  I’m not really here.  I mean nothing to you.

I won’t move any closer – for fear, for awe, for respect, for love.

You are magnificent and you know it.

And that glint in your eye says you know that although I am taking pictures quietly in apparent worship of your form, I am scared shitless of you and all your winged friends, and that if you so much as take a step towards me I will be off up that hill as fast as my feet can take me (which ain’t all that fast).

But now I am inside the house and am listening to your call, I know I am safe enough to do the magnificent Avitable’s meme.

Rules: If you’ve seen the film highlight it, and if you like put asterisks next to it.

• 1. Pulp Fiction (1994)**
• 2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)**
• 3. Titanic (1997)**
• 4. Blue Velvet (1986)**
• 5. Toy Story (1995)
• 6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
• 7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
• 8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)**
• 9. Die Hard (1988)**
• 10. Moulin Rouge (2001)**
• 11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)**
• 12. The Matrix (1999)**
• 13. GoodFellas (1990)**
• 14. Crumb (1995)
• 15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)**
• 16. Boogie Nights (1997)
• 17. Jerry Maguire (1996)**
• 18. Do the Right Thing (1989)
• 19. Casino Royale (2006)**
• 20. The Lion King (1994)**
• 21. Schindler’s List (1993)**
• 22. Rushmore (1998)
• 23. Memento (2001)**
• 24. A Room With a View (1986)
• 25. Shrek (2001)
• 26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
• 27. Aliens (1986)**
• 28. Wings of Desire (1988)
• 29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)**
• 30. When Harry Met Sally… (1989)**
• 31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)**
• 32. Fight Club (1999)**
• 33. The Breakfast Club (1985)**
• 34. Fargo (1996)**
• 35. The Incredibles (2004)
• 36. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
• 37. Pretty Woman (1990)**
• 38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)**
• 39. The Sixth Sense (1999)**
• 40. Speed (1994)**
• 41. Dazed and Confused (1993)**
• 42. Clueless (1995)**
• 43. Gladiator (2000)** ** **
• 44. The Player (1992)
• 45. Rain Man (1988)**
• 46. Children of Men (2006)**
• 47. Men in Black (1997)
• 48. Scarface (1983)
• 49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)**
• 50. The Piano (1993)
• 51. There Will Be Blood (2007)
• 52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)
• 53. The Truman Show (1998)**
• 54. Fatal Attraction (1987)
• 55. Risky Business (1983)
• 56. The Lives of Others (2006)
• 57. There’s Something About Mary (1998)
• 58. Ghostbusters (1984)**
• 59. L.A. Confidential (1997)**
• 60. Scream (1996)**
• 61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
• 62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)
• 63. Big (1988)
• 64. No Country For Old Men (2007)
• 65. Dirty Dancing (1987)**
• 66. Natural Born Killers (1994)
• 67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
• 68. Witness (1985)
• 69. All About My Mother (1999)
• 70. Broadcast News (1987)**
• 71. Unforgiven (1992)
• 72. Thelma & Louise (1991)
• 73. Office Space (1999)**
• 74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
• 75. Out of Africa (1985)
• 76. The Departed (2006)
• 77. Sid and Nancy (1986)
• 78. Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)**
• 79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
• 80. Michael Clayton (2007)
• 81. Moonstruck (1987)
• 82. Lost in Translation (2003)**
• 83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)
• 84. Sideways (2004)**
• 85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
• 86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
• 87. Swingers (1996)**
• 88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
• 89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
• 90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
• 91. Back to the Future (1985)**
• 92. Menace II Society (1993)
• 93. Ed Wood (1994)
• 94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)**
• 95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
• 96. Far From Heaven (2002)
• 97. Glory (1989)
• 98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)**
• 99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)**
• 100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)

Oh yeah, also stolen from Penelope

Today was a bad day.

I had a whole breathing issue and a whole sweating like a whore in church affair and the tiredness! God damn! I spent pretty much the entire day trying to catch my… it was bad. I got a look of concern from my mother… which made me panic a little. She NEVER looks concerned! Lungs are clearer now, pain has gone… Google scared the ever living crap out of me.

It was not a good day.

Mild annoyances made me fill with rage and then I all but passed out.

But then… after having a slice of the Marks and Spencer’s orgasm inducing chocolate cheesecake… the lights came on.

Then Top Gear… something to watch on a Sunday! Finally!

And then – news - I won something! That’s when I began to smile – I really should have checked my linkbacks (or whatever they’re called) earlier.

God, I love Hilly… I’ve been listening to her show while typing this which is why this is so hopeless… It’s just too good! I really should have started this earlier… but this is… oh… my fingers have stopped working… And no get your minds out of the gutter. Not like that.

It’s funny (not for me) but I have gone from ready to jump anything to not even having a naughty thought in less than a month. I need to find something to get excited about.

Anyone got any ideas?