I really really need to sleep tonight

I have to be up at the arse crack of dawn like a couple of thousand other people in this lovely town to catch coaches to London to see Kirkham and Wesham FC play in the biggest match of their lives.

I know that you know this match is going ahead for you live in this town and you can’t miss the posters and displays.

I know that you know this because I know that you are going too.

So why the unholy hell are you playing rubbish beep beep dance shite at a volume usually reserved for, well, Wembley?

I’ll tell you what? You turn your music down, or put something decent on and I won’t burn your house down.

I can legally kill you because I got my period today. (Woohoo!)

Do not make me put clothes on and march round there. You won’t like it.

Oh, your garden looks very nice.

Your neighbour.