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Flare
May
5
I have been staring at you al day and still you don’t notice the tears in my eyes, still you don’t notice the pleading in face.
I have been staring at you all day with your rejection of every new thought and expectation I have.
You have no comprehension of anything going on inside me and still I feel closer to you than anything else. Still I feel you will understand eventually and everything will be okay – or at least manageable.
You get it, right? How I know without a doubt that everyone on the planet must be bored of me by now?
You get the fact that everything inside me has turned to lava and I am breathing fire?
You get the way my skin is crawling right off my body leaving me raw with nerves tingling and oh so sensitive?
You get it but won’t let me know for some reason which only you know and which I, stiffening into a statue face screaming silently.
I am sorry for not being who you expect me to be. I disappoint myself daily.
7 Responses to “Darkness”
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May 6th, 2008 at 3:05 am
When I stare at my computer screen and no inspiration comes for ages and a bead of sweat begins to form on my forehead as I try to squeeze out the words, I feel disappointed too. And when my Mum says: “I thought you would be more successful than this,” disappointment wells. But when I look out the window and see the sky so blue a painter couldn’t catch it, and hear the birds warbling with glee; it passes. I can’t be responsible for other people’s disappointment and neither can you. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Selma’s last blog post..Just A Bit Of Peace And Quiet
May 6th, 2008 at 4:23 am
Oh sweetie – you know I get it.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Is This Home? Nah. It’s just Florida.
May 6th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Bec darling, I was going to waffle a huge long comment but I’m going to waffle you a huge long email a bit later instead. (Just have to do that stupid “work” thing first.)
) xxx
You know where I am
Penelope’s last blog post..When the rope breaks.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Hang in there, Bec. *hug*
Avitable’s last blog post..A man and his penis
May 6th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Selma – It’s less other people’s disappointment and more my own that is concerning me… big dramatic sigh… But as I was staring at the blue of the sky today I did start to feel less out of control. Thank you
Miss Britt – I know you do and oh that makes me want to protect you from the world.
Penelope – Ugh, the work thing? Really? Thank you so much for the email. It really helps.
Avitable – A hug is exactly what I needed. Thank you.
Bec’s last blog post..Darkness
May 9th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I get it so i wont say that you are to hard on yourself ill only say that your one of the best most understanding and good people i know…..hang in there kid!
May 10th, 2008 at 12:15 am
Neil – thanks Neil… smiling in that pathetic way I do!