Everything Leads to Sex

So I am sitting in Starbucks, drinking my grande Caramel Macchiato and picking the frosting from my Sicilian Lemon Cupcake (heaven on a plate) thinking about sex.

I know, Starbucks just says sex, doesn’t it? The froth on the top of the coffee, the drizzling of the caramel, the lick as the tip of your tongue brushes away the touch of frosting from your still moist lips. Mmmm…

But seriously, the Starbucks I was sitting in is opposite a jewellery shop and this got me thinking about sex as well. The bling bling jewels on the soft satin sheets and crushed velvet (that no one in the history of man has ever put on their bed in a serious fashion, have they? Oh, you have. Sorry - am a first class moron here, but come on?!). The furtive glances between man buying jewels and the woman he is hope that this’ll be the gift that persuades her to do thing he really wants (make Tiramisu obviously) . Even the uniform they are wearing ( a austere black suit) screams sex. It’s the outfit the sexy secretary wears just shortly before being bent over the desk and spanked. “Ooo, harder, harder. Kitty had been a very naughty girl for not filing the quarterly returns, and needs to be taught a lesson…”

There doesn’t seem to be much which, since I started thinking about it, doesn’t relate to sex in some way. It’s probably because of a conversation we had today about sex and the internet. This started because of news that all sexual offenders have to hand their email addresses in so that social networking sites like Bebo, MySpace and Facebook can ban them from their internet sites (a policy so ridiculously full of holes that even the most stupid of all sex offenders will find their way round it). Follow me if you will form this to sex on the net. It was a whole, sex offenders… protect kids, bad things on the computer, they see bad things, sex is bad, sex on the internet thing - hardly Led Zeppelin to nachos and cheese in six moves or less.

I had to explain to someone how anything can be plugged into Google and a sex related site will pop out - maybe not on page one but somewhere down the list it will… Of course that was 20 minutes of trying ridiculous things like “crochet pattern” and “MacBook Air” (which of course is just pure sex anyway) trying to prove me wrong in a ‘that just can’t be true’ way.

Please note, I am not endorsing these websites and think they really should sort themselves out so that only the people who actually want to see “Fruit Salad” will see that. Obviously these people are going to lose their buzz when re-directed to the Delia Smith and see a different use for a Granny Smith.

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