I get so angry, and I have no idea why. It’s like there is a river of lava running through my body. I have always run hot but at the moment I feel like I should be burning up.
The most ridiculous things are those that make me want to scream. And I have no outlet at the moment. No place to let it all out.
I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
11 more days until (please God) I find out what is wrong with me. No pressure, oh Doctor of mine, but I have to know. You have to give me answers. You have to provide me with reasons why I am so… hopeless. Please let it be something that there is a magic tonic for.
I can’t even cry at the moment. Tears look so stupid on someone who has nothing real to cry about. But the pressure is building up - you want to know why I’m so big? It’s the hatred and the anger and the pain inside pushing to get out.
People are always going to let you down. People are always going to hurt you unintentionally. People are always going to disappoint.
All of the colour is disappearing out of my life again. I haven’t felt this unworthy and helpless in such a long time.
I’m not even sure I will post this. I’m not sure I can.
I haven’t had to put the mask on this tightly in a while. But today has to be perfect. I’m going to need super-glue to make sure there is no slippage.
Ha, iTunes has me again. (Nice Dream) by Radiohead.
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