I didn’t sleep last night… and all day I’ve been throwing caffeine and sugar down my throat to stay awake while at work.

And now I am having the crash.

So I am going to bed, listening to this.

That’s the kind of day I’m having. Sleep will cure all ills.

Okay, so I’m over the sport thing from yesterday. Obvoiusly, massive achievement and all that, and I am still having small town pride; but I am now looking on the Wembley trip as a good excuse to go down to London and, y’know, be a tourist!

But more on that closer to the time.

Today I spent all day with my head phones on pretending the world didn’t exist. The family were outside in the sunshine (I know, weird, right?) doing the gardening thing. I have tried in the past, and I tried again today, to see the attraction in digging round in the mud planting flowers and grasses and then pulling out the, sometimes more attractive, weeds. I just don’t understand, and I never will. It just seems like one chore too far.

I have house plants and then I enjoy, mostly because you just have to throw water at them once in a while, and pull off the dead leaves. From the moment the sun comes out, gardens seem to be nothing but trouble and work. No no no to that.

It’s not something to get enthusiastic about unlike a really good TV Show or a movie that gives you butterflies because it’s just soooo goooood.

Speaking of TV Shows that are good… Doctor Who starts again next week! Which gives me a perfect excuse to put this up.

Okay, so hopefully you are getting this. I have just upgraded to Wordpress 2.5, which went well. I mean everything looks okay doesn’t it? Any problems, please tell me and I shall stare intelligently at it all and then spend a couple of hours Googling the problem until someone far more knowledgeable than me posts an answer. There are, yes, a couple of issues with the theme around here but I will fix them… potentially tomorrow…

But this isn’t a post about Wordpress. Oh no.

My local local local football team, Kirkham & Wesham, won the second leg of the semi-final of the FA Vase meaning I get to use the immortal phrase ‘We’re going to Wembley!’.

I would like to see the entire town go down and support the club but I foresee a couple of issues.

• The town of Kirkham and Wesham has(according to Wikipedia 7127 people living in it, and Wesham has 3245 (holy crap, really? We have 10,372 people here?)
• Wembley has 90,000 seats. So it may be a little empty
• If half of us travel down by coach (well 5,000 anyway) - we will need about 100 coaches.
• See this - bullet points - never worked for me before - is 2.5 good or what?

Anyway, I am going. May 11th - down south! Breathing the sweet sweet London air baby!

But this post isn’t really about K&W’s excellent win either.

And it isn’t a post reminding people that British Summer Time is here again, which of course means that we are all about to be flooded out!

It’s about the fact that I forgot about it being Earth Hour today which, yes, I feel very very bad about, and to show how bad I feel about it I am ending this post here.

Today I have a blank screen thing going on.  It’s really yelling at me, and the distraction is causing me to lose my train of thought.

I have had trouble all day.  Keeping thoughts in my head.  Concentrating.  Producing coherent sentences.  I, who can talk for Britain, could not form sentences today without really thinking about it.

Everyone around me found it funny… jokes about ‘can I have some of what you’re drinking?’ abound.  I just took it all in my stride and started to worry a little more.

Now, repeat after me, ‘Oh, shut the hell up!’

I am boring myself stupid with all this so you guys must be ready to pound my head with a cricket/baseball bat.

Part of me wishes I could forget about it for a while but being breathless after climbing two flights of stairs or a brisk walk is horrible for me.  I used to have lots of energy - more than this anyway - and I weighed a lot more.   I KNOW I need to lose weight but I am already dieting and can’t, physically can’t, exercise until oxygen starts being processed better by my body.

It has taken me 1 hour and 45 mins to write this post.

Oh, thank you seriously for the support and advise you have given to my brother.  He smiled shyly and muttered, ‘That’s cool’ which is huge for him.  He is getting advise from the Job Centre and is checking out his options.

Today I have two** very different things to blather about. Both are contributing to the headache that I’m trying to cure with Anadin.

My little brother works in garden centre hell (a hell that has recently been bought by a big ‘blue’ supermarket chain - say no more). I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. Quick search… Yep, thought so.

He has tried over and over again to do the job he was hired to do which is maintain and sell plants.. and do whatever is required to get that job done. He will move stoneware all day, power wash the damn centre from bottom to top, move trolleys, direct traffic in the carpark - whatever it takes. I mean, everyone has to do the crap jobs, right? But recently all of the jobs that mean my brother to come home so tired he can barely stand up or have him so angry he can barely think straight.

After one task that was assigned to him and another sales assistant, that as far as I know should never have been assigned to them (clearing a blocked drain) my brother put in a complaint about his manager - turns out this was the third complaint that had been put in about him.

My brother has Dyslexia and Dyspraxia - which means that he learns things slower than most people, but because of the person he is, he will keep at it until he gets it right. Dyspraxia is not counted as a disability under the letter of the law. He completed two years of college winning Student of the Year. You don’t do that if you don’t know your stuff. He is very successful at his Scout Leader duties an his organisational skills are first rate. It just takes him a bit to get going, and his confidence in his abilities is quite low.

Not surprising considering who he has to work with.

His idiot manager (His soon to be, if I had my way, dead ex-manager*… ) keeps treating my brother like crap. He has talked about him to other staff members in a derogatory fashion and during a meeting which my brother called to try and sort things out said “it seems like your Dyspraxia has come back”. This at the very least shows that he need re-educating (preferably with a crowbar) and also shows a total disregard for my brother’s feelings. Oh yes, very managerial. I can only assume manager boy either has no balls and is taking it out on any male in the area in a jealous rage; or he is simply a vindictive little fuckwit. If it’s the second option I will gladly help him achieve the first option too.

Adam asked to speak to the manager about moving departments with the centre, something other people have done in the recent past (also to get away from the ’soon to be knobless twathead’) or starting a couple of hours earlier so he has to spend less time with him. Both options were denied to him. The only option that as given to him was halving his hours. HALVING HIS HOURS.

Wankers.

A customer recently called the same manager a ‘weasel’ to his face. Customers will come in and ask for Adam to help them with their queries, and if he is not there, will leave and return on a day that he is.

Who would you get rid of first?

Adam has had to talk me down from the ledge tonight. I am all for taking the day off work tomorrow and beating the ever living shite out of the management down there. Instead I have spent the last two days putting a new CV together for my brother and hunting out as many jobs as I could for him.

I’ve been in the position where the thought of going to work makes your world a dark place… I don’t want my brother to have to live there any more.

I am normally a fairly pleasant, fairly easy going, friendly individual but you hurt my brother and I will make sure you regret it.

I’ll be better soon.

*For legal reasons I would like to stipulate that I have no actual intention of causing the manager’s death, or any physical harm, but only wish it in a ‘when the revolution comes’ way. If I can cause him to be fired and be miserable every day of his life though that’ll be fine.

** Update: the other thing was about a news story I’d seen about a village in South Africa where the children have to swim cross a crocodile infected river to get to school, as someone stole the community boat. SOuth Africa are hosting the Football World Cup in 2 years. I’m saying nothing else.

So, yeah, get on with it shall I?

Short version mostly because knackered doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel.

So, doctors today. Went, waited for a bit and then got my results.

Chest X-Ray - All normal.
Blood tests - All normal.

That’s right. Not so much as a slightly elevated hormone.

So, the question is - what next?

And the answer is:

Spirometry (lung function test) next week, and two weeks after that a trip to everybody’s favourite department - Gynaecology. And how I am looking forward to that.

So I got no answers today, but at least a step forwards. It’s a mystery, but it’s my mystery.

Anyway, the cool thing about today is I have been called Excellent by the quite frankly delicious Karl at Secondhand Tryptophan.

The rules of the award say I have to list the rules of the award, so:

1. Identify the originator of this award, and link so she can get her well-deserved traffic. It’s Kayla at Project Mommy.
2. Pass on at least 10 Excellent Blog Awards.

So, my 10. Obviously I love each and every one of you but… well…

I, like everyone else, have tried to pass it on to those that have not had it passed on to them by anyone else but they probably have and I just wasn’t paying attention or something… Sorry? Get on with it you say?

1. All That Comes With It
2. I Read Banned Books
3. Please Don’t Eat With Your Mouth Open
4. Selma In The City
5. Theory of Thought
6. Petroville
7. Not Graceful Enough To Be A Julia
8. The Daily Bitch
9. Chicka Nuts
10. LondonMaMa

So last night I was awake and rubbing my cat’s chest while keeping her warm. She has a chest infection which at her age is really serious. She has been panting like (she won’t like me saying this, but) a dog for the last couple of days and last night she was panting so hard I though she was going to do herself an injury. She hasn’t eaten anything in about two days which, for my furry dustbin, is extremely unusual. Add that to the fact that she has been shivering and her body temperature has dropped so much even her tongue has been cold and it all adds up to a scary scary time.

Last night, instead of sleeping, I sat up with her and helped her breathe with the aforementioned chest rubbing, and lots of praying.

There has been a lot of extremely worried tears from me this weekend, lots of distracting myself and lots of denial… but something worked, because at about 5:30 this morning the panting stopped and a purr came out. And then she licked my fingers… and then she wobbled out of my arms to her food bowl and ate something.

I have never been so relieved in all my life.

And now I am playing the distraction game again and going to bed early to stop thinking about tomorrow. I know I’m panicking over nothing. It’s going to be fine.

I just want to start this off with a Happy Birthday to the Blog God/Lord/Master/President/Guru and all round Nice Guy - Dave from Blogography. If you don’t know who he is then I am here to tell you that your life is poorer for it. I have never had the pleasure of meeting him face to face (I hope to rectify that one day) but from what other’s have said it’s like meeting the Pope… but with more booze.

Happy Birthday Dave. You’re even hot when you’re hungover.

So, when I do a meme, it’s not because I can’t be bothered to write something new and shiny. I suppose it’s got something to do with fitting in… and following the crowd… And that’s as deep as I’m getting today - the reason is hidden in the meme.

So, stolen from SJ and Kapgar…

Ten seconds ago I was distracting myself by hunting for a shiny new mobile.
Ten minutes ago I was answering comments from lovely lovely people.
Ten days ago I was organising Mum and Dad’s Silver Wedding Anniversary and totally not stressing out about it.
Ten weeks ago I was sorting out someone’s wireless network.
Ten months ago I was organised in a new house and ‘lovely’ housemates had just moved in.
Ten years ago I was at uni in the first year falling in love… and being me.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Ten years from now I will be staring 40 in the face and not be afraid.
Ten months from now I will have ticked one of the boxes.
Ten weeks from now I will have moved out into my own place… again…
Ten days from now I will have assimilate whatever Wednesday brings into my life and getting on with it.
Ten minutes from now I will be holding my cat, stroking her chest and trying to slow her breathing.
Ten seconds from now I will press publish.

So, huge achievement. 40 days of Lent over baby! And of the three things I decided to give up (chocolate, fizzy drinks and volunteering for more things) I managed, well, one out of three.
The fizzy drinks clause went out at the anniversary party - Southern Comfort and lemonade.
Volunteering? Can anybody say M-U-G. Come on, I think we all know that was a stupid idea!

But chocolate? 40 days without. It seems like a long time but I had an intolerance to chocolate for years when I was a kid. I had to be so careful about what kind of sweets I ate in case they had sneaked some chocolate into them. It was a real pain in the arse. So, I honestly thought 40 days would be easy… but it always feels like I am catching up on my chocolate consumption from childhood so a day away from it is a day wasted.

When I thought I might be diabetic I wasn’t really bothered about giving up cakes and fast food and alcohol… but chocolate? That was the kicker.

But today… oh, today!

I woke late and took down the eggs I had bought the family. Normally we buy gifts instead of chocolate but with all the other gift giving events recently we decided to break with our tradition and take the

easier option.

There was so so much chocolate around today. So so so much. The cat decided that the eggs were hers and guarded them for a while…

…before deciding that she deserved one.

Woh, wait, I promise not to actually feed her any.I am not cleaning up the sick again.

I think I’m going to have to make chocolate crispies or cornflake cakes or something… There just is too much.

It was weird. It just didn’t taste the same. Maybe it’s something I need to ease myself back into?

It’s getting ridiculous. Waking up as the morning ends, reading on the couch for an hour while tickling the cat’s ear, falling asleep on said couch, going upstairs to grab my Mac, lying down, waking up three hours later… then going to bed five hours later.

Yep, that’s right cats and kittens, I’ve been awake for a total of six hours today.

And I (according to two people) look ‘peeky’.

Wednesday, and the doctor’s appointment which will give me all the answers (please oh please oh please) can’t come soon enough.

But enough of that. Let’s talk about this.

Tomorrow is Easter (or as it has become known in my head ‘the day I get to eat Chocolate and drink Dr Pepper again’).

Am considering possibly, maybe going to church tomorrow. All depends on what time I wake up and what mood I wake up in. I am having short fuse issues at the moment… and well, church has been known to annoy me a little so… yep. If not it’ll be wake, eat a breaded product with Nutella on it and move on from there…

Hopefully to something sweet and egg shaped.

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday was how much I enjoyed seeing the strangely alluring Peter Krause on teevee again in Dirty Sexy Money.

I’ve got a horrible feeling this is another show I’ll become addicted to only to have it cancelled… but while it is on I am going to love every single minute of it. Every single minute.

Probably… ah, but even if I don’t… celebrate, good time, come on… Brothers and Sisters is back soon!