Out Of My Tree

Today apparently was the most depressing day of the year - it’s traditionally the day when resolutions are broken, the weather is rubbish and there are a high number of suicides.

Well, one of my resolutions was not to over-react to things - broken today, the weather is insane and nope, not topping myself but…

Of course this is one of those posts that doesn’t really need to exist. Y’know if the entire world followed me on Twitter… but… well…

I have had a day of it. Woke up this morning to the sound of torrential rain (apparently most of England is under water and some bloke called Noah is being all seventeen kinds of smug), and then about 2 minutes later I realised that I couldn’t move any of my limbs without huge amounts of effort. I dragged my arse downstairs, as my mobile had no bloody signal, and called into work.

Then I saw Mum. She looked lovely, of course, but like death warmed up slightly. There was a wheezing thing going on but she insisted she was fine and that I should go back to bed. After 29 years of living with her I have come to take this to mean ‘don’t mess with me or fuss about it or I will rip your head off and feed it to the cat.’ and I was feeling too weak to argue, so I did as I was told (a prime signal that I am ill) and after twittering it was ‘head hit pillow oh the phones ringing oh it’s 3 o’clock somebody will get that it’s still ringing I swear if that’s a call centre I’m going to kill everyone’ and I got up again.

It was Dad. Calling from the hospital. About Mum. Breathing problems. Tests. Not to worry. Bye.

Stress. Panic. Dressed. Shower. Cup of tea and a sit down. More stress. Biting my fingernails as many many bad scenarios played through my head with statistics about how bad NHS hospitals are (remembering none of the good things) plus own massive phobia of the entire medical profession meant I had a very un-relaxing afternoon. (Thank you (by the way) for the messages of support!).

At one point I was running through all the people I would have to call if she died. And there are a lot. Mum is a much beloved person.

I however, forgot to call my brother to let him know what was going on so when he calls to say he’s on his way home (a ritual as he walks along one of the most ridiculously dangerous roads near us) I had to install panic in him. Sorry Ads, I’m crap.

Dad came home about half an hour later sans Mum. In overnight for observation which is a GOOD THING. See positive persuasion thing? Packed clothes and nightwear and wash bag and book and glasses and what else? Kept picking things up - have given her two options for clothes. Hope everything is alright.

Dad left to take things back on a flying visit as visitor hours are massively shortened due to the hundred bugs flying around at the moment. The news is telling us that the hospital she is in is on reserve water supplies due to some cock-up with the local reservoir. Classic. Am considering filling bottles and taking them to Mum’s ward to make damn sure she has water if they don’t fix the problem.

Right now, however, I am glad that today is over, and having written all the numbers in the world down for the morning am going to work with my mobile switched on all day - just try and stop me taking the calls tomorrow, work!

It was one of those days were any plan that I made was immediately eliminated by the fact that Mum was sick. She finally succumbed to one of the many bugs that are going around. And trying to get her to sit down and relax became a full time occupation. Eventually she went to bed giving me time to clear some of Bloglines. But not before she sorted tea, did ironing and a hundred other things that I or my brother could have done. She should take tomorrow off but I’m not sure I have the energy for that particular fight.

My brother brought up an interesting proposition today - what about running a business together? I’m not sure if it’s genius or if he’s had a knock on the head. Either way it’s something worth looking at.

And it was a slow news day. The only thing I saw that made me actually stop and read it was a piece saying that if you exercise, eat the right amount of fruit and vegetables, don’t smoke and moderate the amount of alcohol you drink you can add up to 14 years to your life. And all I could think was that quote by Clement Freud yes, I googled it.)

“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.”

although I have no idea where I know that quote from…

To finish this post off - two pictures. One that made me smile…

And one showing my current mood.

Does this explain things?

To make myself feel better I went book shopping today. The local shop had some of what I wanted in but I placed an order for the rest. It was a replacement of books lost and ones wanted thing. All the same author - Douglas Coupland. I now have (here) Jpod, Eleanor Rigby and Miss Wyoming. And on order - Microserfs, Girlfriend in a Coma, Life After God and Generation X - all of which should be with me on Monday or Tuesday. Lovely.

It was Generation X, among others, that inspired me to be a writer. And it was Microserfs that inspired me to follow the path into geekdom. And Girlfriend in a Coma that made me try and look at the world outside my window. Douglas Coupland. I owe him so much and yet I had forgotten all about him.

And if it hadn’t have been for… someone (if it was you tell me and a shiny link shall be added right here! Sorry I can’t remember - have i mentioned recently that I am a doof?)… mentioning him on their blog a little while ago I may never have remembered the joy and how sad would that have been?

And now because it’s a Saturday and I’m tired from all the money spending - a meme I have stolen from Kevin who stole it from Karl who stole it from… oh you get the picture!

How to play:

1. Go to Wikipedia - The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. Click Random Quotes - The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. Visit Flickr - The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result.

And I swear to God that with no cheating at all this is what I came up with.

Kinda apt considering my last blog. Now I may have to record this album!

Oh and thank you to al_dosary2007 for the stunning photo.

Today I finally got round to watching the first episode of Series 2 of Torchwood and I have to say I was mightily impressed. Jokes and running, danger and the sexy sexy James Marsters. Lovely. I won’t say too much about it as I know that it starts in America soon and, well, I don’t want to spoil things. But just let me say the scene with Jack and James Marster’s character when they first see each other… yum!

I had planned to go to the Apple Store tomorrow to get memory and Leopard, iWork and iLife 08. BUT as these things tend to be I have now to cancel said pleasure trip and do about a million other things instead. So my pleasure trip has been put off until next weekend. Do ya here that Manchester? Prepare for my arrival next weekend!

I could dribble on about the weather but it’s doing enough dribbling of it’s own. Needless to say I don’t see any sunbathing in my near future. In fact not needing a boat to get to work would be an achievement. This is me at my most English - discussing the weather really is a default setting for this country. It’s pretty much the oly one left.

Today’s big work discussion turned to ghosts and general spookiness. I have no idea how the conversation started but potentially it was by the fact that the back corridor is always considerably colder than the rest of the building. The rooms going off it can be boiling with Hawaiian themed parties happening inside and you would still have to put a coat on to survive in the corridor. It leads basically nowhere - there are some stairs at the back which are dark and spooky - the kind of stairs you half expect a serial killer to drag his axe down. Switch on all the lights and even they cannot truly penetrate the darkness. We all admitted one after the other that we really don’t like going down there on our own. Creepy.

Of course this led us all to leap on Google and find out if there had been any violent deaths in the building - you know something juicy! But he most we found was that an ex-Mayor (well, Alderman) lived here back in the 1860s who was also a coroner. Images of bodies in the basement followed… Until we remembered that coroner’s don’t tend to take their work home with them! Well, not unless they’ve got ‘issues’.

Anyway I mention this as an apology fro not being on other blog’s this week. (The connection goes discussing ghost’s, remembering Hilly’s excellent post about ghost’s, feeling guilty, needing to apologise). Tomorrow I have devoted some evening time to catch up and then more at the weekend, post Apple store visit. I do still love you all and am merely being a neglectful prat. I will make it up somehow… As soon as I think of a way.

Today the office was a particular kind of quiet.  Yes, it may have just been a case of the ‘Mondays’ ‘Tuesdays’ ‘Wednesdays’ or it could have had something to do with there being an almost constant management from, well, the managers.

I was pushing Charlie Wilson’s War a little but not too much.  I have a mentionitus campaign ready and prepared.  But I really wanted to talk to someone ANYONE about the keynote last night.  I spent the entire time thinking about how I was going to raise the money for the Time Capsule, and the MacBook Air.  It would just look so pretty tucked under my arm!  I’ll admit fast forwarding through Randy Newman though.  There’s only so much rambling a girl can take!

The last hour of the day was spent looking busy’ - which I hate.  I would rather actually be busy, making the time disappear of it’s own accord.  Maybe I should start writing my blog at work!

It was so quiet you could hear a bird chirping in the trees outside.  It was sweet for the first 5 minutes but then after that it really started to grate.  We watched the traffic warden ticket cars for a little while.  That is always fun watching people rush out of the offices round the square and move the cars as she appears.  Now, there are two of them - it’s like everyone completed Level 1, and now are on Level 2 of the Traffic Warden Game.  So when EA runs out of Sports and Movie Tie-In’s and they release this - remember that you saw it here first. (5% of gross please… thank you).

I could barely keep my eyes open all day today.  All I want to do is lay my head down on my pillow and sleep.  The last thing I wanted to do was go in to work, and had I been living on my own I probably wouldn’t have done.  Does this mean my depression is rearing it’s ugly head?  I have a doctor’s appointment in 9 days.  Please, oh please, oh please let this one be competent.  Is it awful that I have written out a list of things I want answers/ diagnosis for?  Is it awful that I expect this one medical professional to sort out all my nonsense and make me feel healthy again?  I feel quite good about this one - various people have told me that she is very good -very thorough and professional.  That’s what I want.  Full M.O.T. please!

I am building myself up for a Diabetes diagnosis.  I kind of already know that may be part of it.  And I’m ‘almost’ fine with it - it’s something I could live with, just so long as I knew what was wrong with me.  Even if after tests and lots of sitting in waiting rooms a doctor turns to me and says ‘Brain Tumour’ or ‘Surgery’ or whatever - shock? Yes.  Panic?  Probably.  Melodrama?  Of course.  But relief?  Most definitely. It’s the constant not knowing what is wrong but knowing that something is wrong that is making me feel worse.  But that’s still 9 days away.  So, I am remaining positive at the moment.  But remaining positive is tiring so all I want to do is lay my head down on my pillow and sleep.

Cinema empty - felt like a A or B list celebrity, or a member of some obscure royal family!

And while I am always to a certain extent impressed whenever a film is put together Charlie Wilson’s War was almost certainly to get me right in the heart.

There were many good things about the film. Let’s start with, oh I don’t know, the screenplay? No. How can any words I put together even begin to try to praise it? You already know I think Aaron Sorkin rules the mother freakin’ world and does the writing equivalent of walking on water so there really isn’t much more I can say on that.

The surprising thing. The genuinely surprising thing for me. Hugely massively blah blah blah etc etc surprising thing was, well, Tom Hanks was… good. I mean, what he hell? Does this mean I’m going to have to come down off my high horse and entertain the fac that possibly maybe I may have been not exactly right about him? That’s got to be a mistake! Right? He made the words sing/work. And by work I mean they flew. How the ever living hell did the Coen’s win the Globe? That must be one hell of a script! (Sorry! Really that’s it! I promise!) But even leaving the script to one side he really got me. He made me genuinely laugh in the comedy moments; in the serious moments he had me listening, really listening. Like Will Smith in I am Legend when he had tears in his eyes so did I. (The scene near the end when he fails to get funding for the rebuild of a school in Afghanistan!)… And except for the fact that thee was a little too much Hank’s nipple-age on the screen it was damn near perfect. Wow, that felt weird.

I could dribble on about Philip Seymour Hoffman and Julia Roberts but we all know how good they are. They played their parts to the high standard that we expect. I would like to suggest a bravery award for Julia for putting a safety pin near her eye (to separate her eyelashes post mascara application). Amy Adams was also outstanding, playing Charlie’s long standing assistant with exactly the right tone.

I felt a chill, as I was supposed to, during the scene where Charlie and Gust (PSH) are discussing what’s happening to Afghanistan now the Russian’s have gone. Gust says that a lot of crazies are flooding in and there is a very deliberate sound of a low flying jumbo jet.

I get the feeling this film is going to be one I’ll be pushing on people. A lot. So… see it, se it, see it, see it, see it…

So the meeting I was dreading was today. I made my points. I won some, I lost some. I acted like a petulant child and I made them listen to me. I feel bad about letting go so strongly at someone who didn’t deserve it but… No. No but. I won, but it’s a hollow victory.

The thing is I realised the reason why I fought so hard is because I have nothing else in my life that’s just mine. I have family and work, yes. But they don’t belong to me. They are not just mine. And even the things I were fighting about will not be just mine but they will be… more mine than anything else.

It’s like yesterday when I was sorting out the wireless network. I felt like me. Me! I felt like I was coming alive. How pathetic is that?! To come alive I have to spend time surrounded by computers?! And the only time I come close to expressing myself properly is on this blog. In ‘real life’ I am turning more and more into a blithering idiot. That’s really helping with the whole ‘getting a life’ thing.

Getting a Life. Real Life. It’s all nonsense. I have a life, of sorts, it’s not what the majority see as ‘normal’ but I don’t care… Oh that’s a lie, I do care but today I want so desperately not to care. Is that possible? To not care for one day?

Okay. On Friday I knew I had like 6 or seven things to do. Because I spent Saturday sitting on my arse. I knew that today I would have to up shortly before the crack of dawn, and then work work work like, well, Dave to get things done so I could have my reward (going to see Charlie Wilson’s War).

So, I am going to the cinema after work on Tuesday.

My hair remains undyed, the site I need to get sorted for after work tomorrow remains unsorted, there has been no electrician visit and I’ve already been quite clear regarding film watching.

But, ladies and germs, cats and kittehs (I know, I know), one wireless network licked. 2 other people have tried and failed with it an, oh, the problems. I have brought one of the laptops back with me as it needs everything reinstalling on it. Oh, Windows, why are you so freakin’ horrible! I’m telling you, I hugged my Mac for a few hours afterwards, just stroking it in a vaguely icky way.

And then, I read my email including a not very veiled insult in the form of a report. I have now drafted 4 versions of my resignation letter from the Scout Group. I am sleeping on whether or not I hand it in. So I needed some cheering up. So Dodgeball is in the player… because there is no mood that Pirate Steve cannot lighten.

One of the main things I enjoy about Facebook (other than getting in contact with amazing people from my past… and keeping in contact with people from my present) is the highly addictive Scrabulous. I have always enjoyed a good game of Scrabble (especially the rude version where you can only put down words that you can attach an innuendo to, or couldn’t say in front of a five year old) and having it on my computer for free is fantastic. It has even made me want to go and buy a new Scrabble board…

So, of course, when something becomes as popular as Scrabulous has on Facebook someone is going to notice and Hasbro, the makers of Scrabble, have noticed…

Hasbro, I am begging you! Don’t shut it down! Not until I have at least finished the 4 games I’ve got going on at the moment!

Although Herd-A-Word is becoming addictive (damn you Helen for inviting me to that!)

In other news… Amazon sent me joy in a box. Thank you Dan for alerting me to the cheapness of Jeeves and Wooster!