So the meeting I was dreading was today. I made my points. I won some, I lost some. I acted like a petulant child and I made them listen to me. I feel bad about letting go so strongly at someone who didn’t deserve it but… No. No but. I won, but it’s a hollow victory.
The thing is I realised the reason why I fought so hard is because I have nothing else in my life that’s just mine. I have family and work, yes. But they don’t belong to me. They are not just mine. And even the things I were fighting about will not be just mine but they will be… more mine than anything else.
It’s like yesterday when I was sorting out the wireless network. I felt like me. Me! I felt like I was coming alive. How pathetic is that?! To come alive I have to spend time surrounded by computers?! And the only time I come close to expressing myself properly is on this blog. In ‘real life’ I am turning more and more into a blithering idiot. That’s really helping with the whole ‘getting a life’ thing.
Getting a Life. Real Life. It’s all nonsense. I have a life, of sorts, it’s not what the majority see as ‘normal’ but I don’t care… Oh that’s a lie, I do care but today I want so desperately not to care. Is that possible? To not care for one day?
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January 15th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
We all need something that is just ours. Women especially because we give of ourselves all. day. long.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with having some thingS that are just for us either.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Day 2 of Miss Britt Week: According to Mister Britt
January 15th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Miss Britt - I hate the fact that there is a certain element of guilt that invades, when you ask (even if it is in your head) for the… well, whatever it is you want… It’s bloody ridiculous. Men don’t get that… (or do they?) I want to be hopelessly selfish for a bit! Just a little bit!!! Damn you!!!! Damn you all!!!!! …
Sorry about that, went a bit loopy.
Bec’s last blog post..Hollow