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Archive for January 14th, 2008
Jan
14
So the meeting I was dreading was today. I made my points. I won some, I lost some. I acted like a petulant child and I made them listen to me. I feel bad about letting go so strongly at someone who didn’t deserve it but… No. No but. I won, but it’s a hollow victory.
The thing is I realised the reason why I fought so hard is because I have nothing else in my life that’s just mine. I have family and work, yes. But they don’t belong to me. They are not just mine. And even the things I were fighting about will not be just mine but they will be… more mine than anything else.
It’s like yesterday when I was sorting out the wireless network. I felt like me. Me! I felt like I was coming alive. How pathetic is that?! To come alive I have to spend time surrounded by computers?! And the only time I come close to expressing myself properly is on this blog. In ‘real life’ I am turning more and more into a blithering idiot. That’s really helping with the whole ‘getting a life’ thing.
Getting a Life. Real Life. It’s all nonsense. I have a life, of sorts, it’s not what the majority see as ‘normal’ but I don’t care… Oh that’s a lie, I do care but today I want so desperately not to care. Is that possible? To not care for one day?
